Book Reviews: Little Bee and She's Come Undone

I have a notion that it's sort of hard for me to connect to female characters written by men. While I truly value authentic female voices represented in literature, I'm coming to realize that the more that I think about judging an author based on their gender identity, the more I am treading into assholishness. I mean, do I want more womens' books published? Yes. Do I think that women can most adequately tell women's stories? Yes. But does this mean I should write off male authors? Certainly not.

Luckily to challenge my preconceived notions, I recently had the pleasure of reading two great books by male authors that I'd like to recommend. They are Little Bee by Chris Cleave and She's Come Undone by Wally Lamb. Spoilers to follow.

The "Tosh Sucks" Roundup

TW rape jokes, rape culture, rape apologists

I haven't thrown in my 2 cents about Daniel Tosh's recent defense of rape jokes and threat of gang rape to an audience member, because I've just been reading, absorbing the situation, and positively seething. I've long known that Tosh loves him a rape joke so I actually wasn't surprised. Although I am always a bit shocked just how many people jump to a comedian's defense when this type of thing happens--say it with me now, people: RAPE CULTURE.

Anyway, I've read a bunch of really great pieces on the subject, so here's my round up of recommended reading:

Shakesville: Daniel Tosh is a Rape Culture Enforcer

Student Activism: For Daniel Tosh, Actually Assaulting Women is Comedy

Anarch*ish*: Dear Comedians, And People Like Me Who Think They're Comedians: Please Stop

scatx's "Calculating" discussion, on what it's like to be a woman in the rape culture

Feministing: Daniel Tosh was heckled & that’s the real crime or how not to write a real headline

The Isolation of Boys (another "Sexism Hurts Everyone" Reminder)

(TW Sandusky Trial discussion)

I was listening to NPR this morning, as I am apt to do, and I caught a snippet of last Friday's "Barber Shop" segment on Tell Me More. Michele Martin and the guys were discussing the Jerry Sandusky trial. The coverage of the trial to this point has been disgustingly chock full o' rape apologism. But the discussion I caught on the "Barber Shop" brought up an interesting point. One of the men shared that he felt that part of how Sandusky got so far in preying on boys was the fact that society socializes men and boys to keep away from deep conversations. 

Prometheus: We Miss You, Ripley!

I've decided I'm making this a series on the gender portrayed in all of the 2012 summer/spring blockbusters. You can check out my other ones here; The Avengers, the Hunger Games, Snow White and the Huntsman, MIB3, Ted/Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter, Brave, Magic Mike.

So I caught a midnight screening of Prometheus last night. Although it was made 33 years later, Prometheus is a prequel to the popular sci-fi/horror flick Alien, directed by Ridley Scott. Of course, prior to last night, Mr. Nerdy Feminist made sure that I backed up and had actually seen Alien. (I thought I had before but I think that was actually Aliens and I know for sure I have definitely seen Alien Vs. Predator. Oh how proud I am of that...either way I'm all good and caught up now.)

Without spoiling anything, I can say that the amazing character of Ellen Ripley, as portrayed by Sigourney Weaver in Alien does NOT have a match in Prometheus. In fact, I'm very disappointed that at least in this series, it appears we've quite regressed in the last 33 years. I was so disappointed and concerned that I actually started to jot down the following notes in the theater. (Thank goodness it was the Alamo Drafthouse so I had a paper, pen, and table all at hand.)

And now I'm going to get very spoilery under the cut, so considered yourself warned. 

I'm Just Going to Leave this Right Here...

Often people wonder why I care so much about rape jokes, sexual assault awareness, etc. WHELP, here's a little glimpse into why:

[Image is from tumblr, it reads: Benefits when you're cute: More people notice you, more people talk to you, people listen to you, you get jobs easier, you get dates easier, it's easier to get into a relationship, people text you back faster, you get more followers, you get on those fuckyeah sites faster, you feel better about yourself. Benefits when you're ugly: you don't get raped.]

Guysssss didn't you, like, totally know that if, um, you, like are ugly um, like no one would want you sexually and you totally can't get raped. LOLZ.

This shit was posted YESTERDAY and it already has 25,667 notes, most of which are likes and reblogs. Sometimes I have so much shame and embarrassment for our society. This is us, people. Are you OK with that?

This Is Why I Care: Trolls and Victim Blaming

Last week marks the one year anniversary of the original SlutWalk in Toronto. So how appropriate that my posts on Austin's local SlutWalk last summer received some heavy trolling this weekend. A commenter named "Peter" left me a ridiculously ignorant, rambling tirade about how he believes that female virginity is so wonderful and important.

Yawn. Eye roll. What an original thought. No one has EVER said that before.

Shorter Memebase: Rape is for the Lolz

I've been mulling over posting this because I think it reveals just how very low my standards are for a laugh on the internet. Despite my reservations, I'm just going to go all in. I read Memebase. It's shameful, and I know it. The jokes are frequently low brow and every -ist ever existed. While I am well aware of this, I skim over the crap as every so often there's a gem in the mix that makes me giggle.

Men Can Stop Rape: Awesome Awareness Campaign

I recently became aware of "The Strength Campaign" which is being promoted by Men Can Stop Rape. The campaign features a series of posters and billboards which all start with "My strength is not for hurting" and offer an example of how men men can support relationships with respect their partners' boundaries and advocating for enthusiastic consent. I'm a huge fan of the posters, which I feel play directly into the vision of healthy masculinity I advocate for. It's also an anti-rape awareness campaign which doesn't blame victims. It's so sad that this is a rare thing, but it is.

WTF, Texas?

Trigger warning.

So Texas is in the business of rape. I know that's a pretty bold claim, so let me clarify.

Recently, in a HUGE win, the FBI decided to acknowledge what we all already knew and updated their definition of rape. It is now:

The penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim.

(Emphasis mine.) THEN, I see this shit from Hay Ladies:

The 5th U.S. Circuit Court Of Appeals is totally down with forcing doctors to tell women needless and harmful lies about consequences of abortion that don’t exist and have not been scientifically proven. They’ve ruled that Texas can enforce its forced trans-vaginal sonogram bill while it’s being challenged in court.

So what does that really mean? Well according to MedlinePlus, here is exactly what a transvaginal ultrasound (sonogram) is:

You will lie down on a table with your knees bent and feet in holders called stirrups. The health care provider will place a probe, called a transducer, into the vagina. The probe is covered with a condom and a gel. The probe sends out sound waves, which reflect off body structures. A computer receives these waves and uses them to create a picture. The doctor can immediately see the picture on a nearby TV monitor.

In other words, as Jessica Valenti said, "[People] seeking abortions in Texas can be legally vaginally penetrated against their wills." Because how are you truly consenting if you are coerced into having this done in order to obtain an abortion? By the very definition now accepted by the FBI, people in Texas who want an abortion but not a transvaginal sonogram can be raped.

There are no words.

My Week with Rape Culture: A Party, A Book, and a Movie

This post is a part of my “Out of the Kitchen” weekly column at The Progressive Playbook in which various news and pop culture items will be examined through a feminist lens.

Trigger warning.

As I frequently write, I believe rape culture is alive and well. Because of this fact, I could have just as easily titled this post "My Life with Rape Culture."  But I'm going to stick to some things I encountered this week specifically. Mostly because I just can't stop thinking about them and I'd like to get them out of my head.

Before I go further, I want to define what I mean by rape culture. I know that the concept does not necessarily have a common understanding or acceptance. For a good working definition, I always point toward Melissa McEwan's piece on the topic. In it, she not only lists many specific, concrete examples, she also quotes Transforming A Rape Culture which says:

In a rape culture both men and women assume that sexual violence is a fact of life, inevitable as death or taxes.

In other words, rape culture means that rape is normalized.

One run in with rape culture that keeps popping in my mind went down at a New Year's Eve party. I was talking about rape scenes in The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (more on that later) with some other women. A guy I don't really know decided to interject in our conversation in a manner which I'm sure was intended to be funny in that "I'm so edgy that I break the rules of political correctness" kind of way (eye roll). It went down like this.

*General discussion of so much rape in the movie*

"Eh, I'm a fan of rape." Him

"What?!" Me

"Yeah, sometimes you just gotta be for it." Him

*I stare at him angrily for about 30 seconds at which point he awkwardly jumps over to another conversation with other people.*

Side note: I know, I know. I should have called him out. But unfortunately, it can be difficult to always speak up, especially in a social group that is out of my comfort zone. At least I didn't nervously giggle (and there by affirm this statement) which is something I could have done a few years ago.

The second run in was through reading Jeffery Eugenides' new book The Marriage Plot. I'm a big Eugenides fan. His book Middlesex is one of my all time favorites. In fact, he's one of the few male authors who I feel can authentically write in a female voice. However, in The Marriage Plot I was disappointed to read a few scenes where sexual situations went down in a way which made me wonder if consent was really present. In a specific case, one character (a female) sent a pretty strong "no" message, but she still had sex with her husband anyway, and it turns out she really wanted it. It was the classic "when women say no, they mean yes, actually."

Both of these examples signal the prevalence of rape culture although in difference ways. In the first case, with the guy at the party, the stupid "joke" he made was explicitly about rape. It made rape a topic which is so trivial that it is actually worth laughing about. (Or attempting to get a laugh about--he failed with his audience.) In the second case, the lack of consent was more implicit and covert. Most people reading these scenes in The Marriage Plot probably found them more titillating than problematic, which is kind of the point I'm making.

But in both examples, the normalization of rape is the result.

In thinking about these things, I started to more deeply consider The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, which I also saw this week. The film is a bit puzzling for me. You see, it famously contains the rape and rape revenge of the main female, Lizbeth Salander, as a pivotal plot point. So what I'm pondering is that if we know that rape culture sends the message that rape is just a fact of life, how do we deal with pieces of media which contain rape scenes? Because rape is very prevalent in our world, is it possible for a movie to depict it in a manner which is realistic but doesn't normalize sexual violence or, more generally, violence against women? Can a movie contain rape and not glorify it?

I suppose that this hypothetical movie is possible, but I haven't seen it.  As Lani at Feminist Fatale wrote (about the Swedish version of the film):

Lisbeth is a great, strong female character. We need more characters like her. We need them to inspire the ferocious, feral spirit that lives in all women. But, what we don’t need are more morally ambiguous, violent stories that are held on their axis by the portrayal of a form of violence against women that borders on sexualizing it.

Writer Pastabagle at Partial Objects comes out even more strongly saying:

The problem with Lisbeth Salander in the film is that she is too much like Lisbeth Salander in the books–completely and utterly unrealistic.

No sane woman would tolerate being brutally raped just so she could capture it on camera and hold it over her rapist. But that’s what Lisbeth does. The conclusion you should draw from this behavior is not that she is a strong take-charage woman, but that she is not sane. She is severely emotionally damaged. She is so emotionally detached from her own body that she puts herself through the worst torture just to throw it back in her attacker’s face. Over what? Money.

So how does all of this tie together? Well, when I first saw The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo earlier this week, I was disturbed by the rape content and it stuck in my mind, but I didn't see initially it as a part of rape culture, despite it's overt rape content. I kept asking myself the questions I listed above, most notably "Is it possible for a movie to depict rape in a manner which is realistic to our world but doesn't normalize it?"

The more I consider it, and I can't help but agree with Lani and Pastabagle. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo is another case much like the dude at the party or Eugenides, which normalizes, and even glorifies, rape.

I'm so very tired of seemingly endless depictions of violence against women and the insensitive treatment of rape. It's only through media and societal examinations that we can begin to turn the tide and end rape culture. And really, it starts on the most basic ground level, in our day-t0-day interactions with others. That's why the biggest thing I'm taking away from this week is that I should have said something at the party. Something as simple as "That's not funny." I really wish I would have. So next time (and there will be a next time) I'm going to.

It's a New Year's Resolution I can get behind.

Evidence of Rape Culture

Trigger warning for rape talk and child abuse.

I, as many feminists, believe we live in a rape culture. For more about what I mean, check out my most recent post on the topic. Or just Google "rape culture," really...

So a couple of stories lately have illustrated how prevalent our rape culture is. The first is a story that is making it's way alllll around the feminist blogosphere. Basically, a fraternity at the University of Vermont sent it's members a "getting to know you" survey and one of the questions was, "If you could rape anyone who would it be?" I feel as if I shouldn't have to explain how this is evidence of rape culture so here I'll just link to a petition you can sign if you feel so moved.

The next piece of evidence is a little less obvious but even more disturbing to me. As reported on Shakesville:

...parents at Rosemount High in Minnesota who pranked their kids by blindfolding them and then making out with them: "And these are not just innocent pecks on the lips. The parents are intimately lip-locking their children for several seconds. One even progresses to rolling around on the gym floor. In another instance, a mother moves her son's hand south so he's grasping her butt."

To be clear: The kids were blindfolded. The parents were not. They knew they were kissing their kids, and they laughed uproariously as the kids were further embarrassed by being interviewed about what they thought of the kiss. "Luscious lips," answers one young man, before it is revealed he kissed his mother. My god.

I just. I--I don't even...This is such an extreme crossing of boundaries. It is child abuse. It's sexual abuse. It is inappropriate and only serves to prove the point that rape culture is so deeply entrenched that a group of adults at a school event could think it's appropriate to do this.

It almost makes me cry.

"Baby It's Cold Outside:" When Old Stuff Doesn't Fit Our World Anymore

This post is a part of my “Out of the Kitchen” weekly column at The Progressive Playbook in which various news and pop culture items will be examined through a feminist lens.

I'm not sure that many things about the Christmas season are more divisive than the music. It seems that people are either:

1) So in love with Christmas carols that they can't wait until they can add a "holiday" station to their Pandora OR

2) They cringe and roll their eyes when that first seligh bell sound appears in the music overhead at the department store in October and count down the days until it switches back to that other crappy music which is sociologically designed to make us browse slower.

I don't know if you could tell, but I tend to fall into category 2. However, no Christmas carol makes me more upset than Baby, It's Cold Outside. Just in case you are unfamiliar (lucky you!) this song is essentially about a chick saying she's got to leave and a dude trying to convince her to stay by saying, "baby, it's cold outside." (And to be fair, even through it's lumped in with Christmas carols, it's not inherently Christmasy, it's more a winter song.)

I'm sure that right off the bat, you can tell what gripe I have with this song. There's no way around it--it comes across as an anthem to date rape. I'm certainly not the first person to have this thought. In fact, in recent years it has become a bit of a standard Christmas time topic to explore in the feminist blogosphere.  As Chloe Angyal (in that last link) says,

By today’s standards, “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” is a complete train wreck for many reasons. There’s the fact that the man—called “the Wolf” in the original libretto, as if he didn’t already sound predatory and coercive enough—ignores the woman’s explanations for why she needs to leave. There are the explanations themselves, which essentially amount to “my family, friends and neighbors will call me a slut if I stay.” And then, perhaps most problematic of all, there’s the Wolf’s attempt to guilt the woman (called “the Mouse” in the original libretto, as if to imply that she’s simply no match for the man) into staying.

Mouse/wolf? Yikes. Clearly, there is a problematic theme going on here. However, there has also been a feminist reaction which is attempting to defend the song, asking for it to be viewed in its own time and context. In fact, Jezebel is currently running a vote off for the "worst Christmas song ever" and while Baby It's Cold Outside is out of the running, it was quite controversial in the comments section. But every person complaining about the "rapey" nature, there was someone defending it on the grounds of it being a song about "seduction." Usually their defense was accompanied by a seemingly popular piece from Persephone, in which Slay Belle says,

Let’s look at the lines. As she’s talking about leaving, she never says she doesn’t want to stay. Her words are all based around other people’s expectations of her – her mother will worry, her father will be pacing the floor, the neighbors will talk, her sister will be suspicious of her excuses and her brother will be furious, and my favorite line that I think is incredibly revealing, “My maiden aunt’s mind is vicious.” Vicious about what? Sex. Unmarried, non-good girl having, sex.

Later in the song, she asks him for a comb (to fix her hair) and mentions that there’s going to be talk tomorrow — this is a song about sex, wanting it, having it, maybe having a long night of it by the fire, but it’s not a song about rape. It’s a song about the desires even good girls have.

So what is he singing while she’s talking about what other people think of her? He’s providing her with a list of cover stories, essential, excuses she can use to explain why she hasn’t or won’t go home. It’s cold out, it’s snowing, the cabs aren’t running, the storm is becoming a blizzard, she might get hurt trying to get home.

I think what Slay Belle articulates is valid, to a point. When Frank Loesser wrote the song in 1936, this was a time when sexual behaviors in women were much more heavily shamed than now, so reluctance on the female's part is understandable. That said, I don't think there's any reason that we cannot acknowledge both the cultural context of the time the song was written and the problematic message it sends today's audiences.

Specifically, the biggest problem I have with the lyrics is:

The answer is no (her) - Ooh baby, it's cold outside (him)

Read that one more time. The answer is no. To me, that couldn't be more clear, and all bets are off from there on out. When someone, in plain English, says no, and then you try to "seduce" them, you're actually coercing them. To me, the song sends the message that no might mean yes, actually. It reinforces the misconception that women frequently (if not always) play games and want to be persuaded, when the truth is that real consent and real healthy sexual relationships come from open, honest communication.

Maybe it was a different time. Maybe the lyrics were meant to convey seduction or "desires even good girls have" but in a way, that's not really the point. We cannot simultaneously create a world where we strive for a "yes means yes" mentality and not deconstruct messages like this, no matter what time frame they're from. Our society frequently makes changes which force us to look at our past and say, "Hey, we might have done that back then, but now we know that's not OK." The examples are numerous and Baby It's Cold Outside is another one on the list.

Why, Donald Glover, Why?

And then there's the moment when I learn this about Troy--UH I mean Donald Glover and become really, really sad. Trigger warning on the link for rape jokes. Of all sorts.

Booooooooooooo!

We Live in a Rape Culture. And it Hurts Everyone.

Trigger warning for discussions of rape.

Having been wrapped up in a work situation that was ultra time consuming, I haven't had much time to keep up--both with consuming news and writing. It's made me feel a little disconnected. However, one story that hasn't slipped past me is the Penn State child rape story. Now that I've been able to catch up on some sleep, reading, and life in general, I'd like to talk about this for a bit.

I'm sure that anyone who has access to any form of media, like the internet for example, has heard of this story. So if you're reading this, I won't summarize the horrific details. I would, however, like to drive home the point others have made. This story highlights how we live in a rape culture. If you are unsure what this means, I suggest you check out Melissa McEwan's recent piece on the topic. In it, she not only lists many specific, concrete examples, she also quotes Transforming A Rape Culture:

In a rape culture both men and women assume that sexual violence is a fact of life, inevitable as death or taxes.

Much of McEwan's words center mostly on the gendered situation of sexual violence. But the Penn State story, much like the scandals which have rocked the Catholic Church, remind us that rape culture affects us all and is clearly evident here.

Rape culture is particularly evident through the fact that students protested the firing of head coach Paterno. As Jill at Feministe said,

Seriously, Penn State students who are rioting because the board of trustees fired a man who helped cover up serial child molestation? You all should be ashamed. And if the comments on your school’s facebook page are any indication of the level of intellectual discourse (and basic spelling and grammar skills) you’ve got going on over there, I would suggest you spend more time hitting the books and less time bleating about how Joe Paterno is a victim, too.

I know you all like football. I know a lot of people like football. I know it’s fun and culturally important and for some reason people identify incredibly strongly with Their Team, many to unhealthy levels. But it’s football. It is just football. Feeling personally devastated because someone you trusted made a really terrible decision is one thing; being personally devastated because your identity is so wrapped up in your team that the idea of any member of that team being punished for covering up child rape strikes you as fundamentally unfair is another thing. It is something that should make you seriously reconsider your identity and your values. Being really good at coaching football doesn’t absolve you from looking the other way when you hear about child rape; it doesn’t absolve you from encouraging others not to report child rape to the police.

I couldn't agree more. This reaction is disgusting. You see, rape culture not only creates an environment where people choose football over rape victims, but it also produced a group of men who thought it was better to deal with the allegations amongst themselves than to involve the law anyway. It produced a witness in this case who walked in on a man raping a 10 year old boy and not only didn't intervene, but also didn't immediately call the police. It made him actually confused about what to do when he saw a child being raped.

If we lived in a world where rape wasn't normalized through the many things McEwan listed in her explanation of rape culture, this could never happen. No one but rapists benefit from rape culture, so how about we all stop playing along? You can do your part to reject the rape culture in many ways. For example, you can accept that people who are complicit in rape crimes deserve punishment. You can put children above football. You can stop using rape analogies and jokes. You can refuse to engage in victim blaming and call others out.

Edit: Just also saw Eve Ensler's piece on rape culture. Check it out too.

YAY Mississippi!

There's something I never thought I'd say...

It's looking good! I'm sitting here, watching a real time election results and it's too early to call it as I'm writing this. BUT should this post see the light of day, it means that the personhood amendment was defeated in Mississippi. That means that a (small?) majority of people in Mississippi understand at least one of the following things:

1. A fertilized egg is not a human being. It is a grouping of cells with the potential to become one. 
2. A fertilized egg should not have the same rights as actually born citizens.
3. Forcing a woman to carry a child robs her of 9 months of her life and produces yet another child into the world that the right wing wants born, but immediately ceases to care about once they are here. 
4. A small government stays out of uteruses. 
5. There are not many things more heinous than forcing a woman to carry her rapists' child. 
6. This amendment is misogynist.
7. There would be an EXTREMELY chilling affect of a law of this nature. Extremely.
8. Choice is a deeply personal thing that should be up to individual women, discussed under sound medical advice, and not legislated by the government. 

And by the time I finished writing this not even exhaustive list of things wrong with the personhood amendment, the site I was watching officially called it! YAY indeed!

Seriously, STOP Using Rape Analogies. Now.

This post is a part of my “Out of the Kitchen” weekly column at The Progressive Playbook in which various news and pop culture items will be examined through a feminist lens.

Trigger Warning for discussion of rape.

I was just reading through Jezebel, when I encountered this quote from Johnny Depp about photo shoots:

Well, you just feel like you’re being raped somehow. Raped … It feels like a kind of weird — just weird, man.” He’ll pose with fans, “But whenever you have a photo shoot or something like that, it’s like — you just feel dumb. It’s just so stupid.

This kind of stuff just outrages me so much that I have a hard time even knowing where to begin. Because I am usually quite happily enclosed in a protective feminist bubble, I hear rape metaphors rather infrequently in my personal life. And when I do hear them, I feel pretty confident in pointing out how very wrong they are. Read more...

Sexual Assault and Peace--Opposites, Yes?

Apparently not to some people out there.

I just learned on Feministing that Julian Assange has been nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize. Lori, at Feministing, asked their readers this question:

What do you think about Assange being nominated for the peace prize? Is it a slap in the face to opponents of rape and assault? Or a well-deserved nod to his role in helping to spur the Arab Spring, among other things, through information sharing?

I thought for sure--on an extremely feminist website (perhaps the leader of the feminist blogosphere) with full comment moderation, I would see a lot of people saying something along the lines of "Well he hasn't been convicted, but if the allegations prove true, then this is really problematic." However, I saw this comment, which has received quite a bit of support:

There’s nothing contradictory at all about Assange being nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize. He did work possibly deserving a Peace Prize and he also possibly raped two women. Doing one doesn’t mean he didn’t do the other; people are more complex than that.

Roman Polanski was a really good director (and won awards for it) and also raped a girl. Mike Tyson was a really good boxer (and won awards for it) and also raped a woman. Julian Assange did some really good humanitarian work (that he may win an award for) whether or not he raped two women. None of that is any kind of insult to their victims because none of that has anything to do with their victims.

I feel like I'm constantly grappling with this critical question: If someone does something really shitty, does it negate the good stuff they've also done? This is undoubtedly an ethical dilemma and I still think there's no clear cut answer. It seems to be much more of a case-by-case personal opinion thing.

But COME ON. Does this commenter really not see that the comparisons he* has drawn don't hold up with this case?

I get that Assange hasn't been convicted and that is a big part of this situation, but let's put that aside for a minute. Let's just take an example in which someone DID rape two women and then won a Noble Peace Prize. Is this not obviously contradictory to anyone else? It's not the same as Roman Polanski winning Oscars or Mike Tyson winning boxing awards, at all. Rape is inherently the opposite of peace, so why should a rapist be honored for peace? I can see how a rapist director could make a good movie. Personally, I wouldn't watch it--I'd avoid his works like the plague, but from an objective view point I can see how it is possible that a rapist could create great art. Or how a rapist could be a really good boxer.

In this way, a rapist could do peaceful things, but to honor him for peace? Seriously...come on. I'm not saying that Assange hasn't done some great things for the world. I'm not saying that his charges mean we should forget that. I am saying we don't have to give him a freaking Nobel Peace Prize.

Ah well it's just a nomination, so I suppose I should just get over it for now. I mean, after all, this also happened...

Adolf Hitler, was nominated once in 1939 by E.G.C. Brandt, member of the Swedish parliament. Brandt changed his mind, however, and the nomination was withdrawn in a letter dated 1 February 1939.

*I say he because the commenter had a stereotypically masculine screen name.

What Do We Do With Breezy?

OoooooOOooo...Look at him. He's so magical and levitate-y.

Sigh.

Last night, I tuned into the VMAs late. I tuned in just in time to miss Adele, but in the middle of Chris Brown's performance. Which means that I promptly turned the channel and waited it out. I might be one of the few left, but I haven't forgotten what Chris Brown did.

A colleague of mine, Carlos, tweeted me, "Please, please, please tell me you're going to do a piece on the VMAs." and later, "I just think that thousands of teenage girls cheering a domestic abuser is a little creepy."

It's funny, because at the time, I wasn't planning on writing about the VMAs, but Carlos is absolutely right, and it got me to thinking... What place does Chris Brown have in our culture? What place SHOULD he have? At what point do or should we move on from his past transgressions?

I will say that I should clarify. Most people have probably not forgotten what Chris Brown did. I think he's still very much the guy who punched Rihanna, but many young girls (and music fans in general) are overlooking what he did...overlooking it and supporting him--both speaking with their money and tweets in his defense.

It is very, very disturbing to me for someone with a proven track record of anger management issues, violence, and abuse to be so heavily marketing to teen girls. I truly want to believe that people can change, but many abusers are repeat offenders. If the message we are sending teens is that you can brutally beat your girlfriend, lay low for a year or two, and then re-emerge and continue your ridiculously successful music career, how can we expect young people to condemn violence in their own lives? And what does it say about our society when we continue to implicitly reward this type of behavior?

I don't have the answer...but I do have the question that we must examine...What do we do with Chris Brown? Ben Roethlisberger? Mike Tyson? Dov Charney? Terry Richardson? Julian Assange?

In other words, what do we do with misogynists in high places?

Warren Jeffs: Absolutely Vomit Inducing

Trigger warning for descriptions of sexual assault

If you haven’t already heard of Warren Jeffs and you can’t stomach pedophilia, I suggest you stop reading here. In searching for something news worthy to blog about, I came across the most recent story about Jeffs on CBSnews.com chronicaling the case against him. I’ll admit, the name didn’t ring a bell for me. But upon further reading the story, I began to remember the news at the time (2008.) The Texas compound being raided. The child brides. The Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. The women and girls in garb seemingly from the 1800s.

The headline reads, "...polygamist instructs young teens on sex." The details are just as chilling.

"A good wife is trained for her husband and follows the spirit of peace," Jeffs is heard saying. He also makes reference to "drawing close" or "being close," which is how church members refer to sex. Two female voices are heard saying "OK."

In writing about the session in his journal later, Jeffs said he told his wives they were "honorable vessels, property of your husband's kingdom and the Kingdom of God on Earth."

Jeffs is not unique in that his manipulation and rape of these girls rests on psychological control and is deeply rooted misogyny. These words dehumanize the girls and their roles as wives. He explicitly states their purpose is to be vessels and property. And much like dogs, they require "training." It's hard for me to even ponder this perspective, much less write about it. The fact that this viewpoint is present in our society, no matter by how small of a minority, is extremely troubling to me.

I don't even know what else to say.

Age IS More Than a Number; It’s Often Power

This post is a part of my “Out of the Kitchen” weekly column over at The Progressive Playbook in which various news and pop culture items will be examined through a feminist lens.

In Hollywood, partners who are several years older or younger than one another are as common as washed up C list celebrities. However, extreme cases do raise eyebrows. Last month news broke that actor Doug Hutchison, 51, married a 16-year-old girl, Courtney Alexis Stodden. Not much was known about the young woman and their relationship, but this week, they’ve been making the media rounds and there’s even talk of a reality show.

In general, when it comes to choices as personal as romantic partners, the feminist consensus is “live and let live.” The looks, gender, race, physical ability, and other attributes of one’s dates are deeply personal and therefore up to the individual. Statements of non-judgement regarding partner choice frequently begin with “So long as everyone is consenting adults…” Undoubtedly, situations like that of Stodden and Hutchison call into question issues of both consent and adulthood, and are therefore important to examine. Read more...