Checking in on The Walking Dead

[Content note: mentions of the sexual assault of a character, spoilers for AMC's The Walking Dead, up through the episode on 11/10/13.]

As I've said before, I'm not impressed with the depiction of women in The Walking Dead. But since I wrote that piece two years ago, and I'm still watching the damn thing, I thought I'd check in on what has happened more recently.

Good lord, I hope the fan boys don't come at me for this one like they did my piece about Breaking Bad this past summer...because as I tried to explain then (in vain) you can like something and still critique it/demand better. So don't jump down my throat for thinking critically about something just because you love it.

RANT: So You're Saying...

Ok, I have just a moment to vent and I need to. I guess I was just telling a little fib yesterday when I said things would be quiet here for a while. (But really...they will be...when I'm not fuming.)

[Content note: rape, victim blaming, rape culture]

Have you heard of the anti-rape underwear? It's everywhere right now, so I assume most people are familiar. If you're not, a company is trying to crowd fund to make "AR Wear Confidence & Protection That Can Be Worn: A clothing line offering wearable protection for when things go wrong." As they say on their Indiegogo page:

We developed this product so that women and girls could have more power to control the outcome of a sexual assault. We wanted to offer some peace of mind in situations that cause feelings of apprehension, such as going out on a blind date, taking an evening run, “clubbing”, traveling in unfamiliar countries, and any other activity that might make one anxious about the possibility of an assault.

The firestorm around the product, of course, is because products like this place the responsibility of rape back on victims. The preface of AR Wear's page states that they're seeking to change the cultural acceptance of rape, but how far can that really go when their product perpetuates the dangerous myth that victims are the ones who can prevent their own rapes?

There are a litany of things wrong with this horrible product, but what I would like to focus on for a second involves the discussion that emerges when people like me speak out against these products for their victim blaming undertones. Unfortunately, some people take that as some kind of endorsement of the rape culture. I was recently asked about this product on Tumblr because I shared a submission where people were calling out the underwear. When I said,

Basically, as long as we continue to put the spot light on victims in regards to rape prevention, we are doing it fundamentally wrong and it is not ultimately a good use of time or resources.

I was met with,

So you're saying we shouldn't invest in rape prevention while society is currently in the position it is? We should let women get raped and refuse to allow them to take precautions against it and contribute to their fear and suffering?

Hold on one sec.

Ok, I'm back. How insulting is it that in the same conversation where I am clearly trying to discuss the nuanced implications of how products like this contribute to rape culture and send dangerous messages about victims, it is implied that I'm somehow endorsing rape? That I want to contribute to the "fear and suffering" of women? Seriously? That's what this person thought I was saying?

To be very blunt about it, fuck their disingenuous "so you're saying" comment.

In case you'd like to see my full response to them, it's over at my Tumblr. But here's the cliff notes version:

I cast no shame on someone who feels safer by taking such a [self defense] class or buying a rape whistle or whatever…I cast ENDLESS shame on the cultural narrative which says women (usually) SHOULD take these classes and carry whistles and pepper spray and wear magic underwear if they don’t want to get raped. I SHOULDN’T HAVE TO DO ANY OF THAT SHIT TO FEEL SAFE.

How dare anyone suggest that by asking we examine these messages, I am somehow complicit in the suffering of women. FUCK OFF. All right, that concludes my rant. Please excuse the excessive anger and swearing. No, ya know what, don't excuse it because I was justified in those feelings. I'm allowing myself this one.


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Response to "Luring Rapebait"

[Content note: rape culture]

This is a guest post by Mackenzie Busch, who blogs regularly at Fetus Frolic. 

I’m not the first person who has written or commented on this particular incident and I won’t be the last, but I think that’s a good thing.  The more people that speak out against these types of stories the more we expose the otherwise latent sexism in our society.   I mean, are you kidding me with this garbage?  I was in a sorority during college and attended my fair share of fraternity parties, and sadly this isn’t an isolated incident.  At the time I really was unaffected by the awfulness that is the pack mentality of a fraternity.  Eventually though we grow up and we have to be woman in the real world and the very “jokes” we used to laugh at are the same ones holding us back from reaching our potential now, so we have to make it not OK from the start.

Perhaps I am going against some sacred code by saying this, but it has been my experience that if the Greek organization were Europe in the 17^th century, sexism would be the Black Death.  Of course people will counter this argument with an exception here or there, but as I make clear as often as possible, exceptions are merely conjunctions in a story, exceptions don’t show me the big picture, they are only there to help piece it together.  I would hate to offend those individuals that are doing good within the PanHellenic community, but hindsight is 20/20 and I can safely say from experience doing good is not the overall focus.  The Greek system is a breeding ground for slut shaming, fat shaming, sexism, misogyny, and countless other anti-feminist issues.

It is important we don’t ignore these types of incidents because had they not been brought to the public’s attention they would very likely have been swept under the rug or worse laughed off.  Seriously, the title of this bro’s email is “luring rapebait” yet he specifies “no raping” within the body of the email. This is the epitome of rape culture, it objectifies women and renders this “no raping” clause completely invalid.  The fact that the author even had to include the “no raping” disclaimer at all should have been an indicator that what he wrote just might be the worst thing ever. 

I’m glad he wrote it though because if these types of people don’t continually and arrogantly air their shitty ideals to the world then they may never know how terrible they are. This is absolutely a big deal, these people are burgeoning adults and soon a few of them could one day be leaders, and reading things like this makes that a scary thought.  That is why it is so important that we don't allow those with privilege to say and do as they please without consequence. By ignoring it we are saying it is normal, it is acceptable, and perhaps even expected.

It is extremely dangerous to continue to brush things like this off.  Objectification leads to dehumanization which is the very reason harassment and rape are so much more prevalent among women.  It is not OK and we aren’t about to let them forget it.

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Holding The Men We Love Accountable

[Content note: rape, harassment, and mild spoilers for Meg Wolitzer's The Interestings]

So I've been reading a really good book, Meg Wolitzer's The Interestings. It's great...and dense. I can't say I've fully processed all the messages and themes, and I still have 3/22 chapters to read, but it really got me thinking about one thing in particular and I just need to write about it.

The story follows a group of friends from their time at an artistic summer camp for teens in the mid seventies to the present day. Two of the main characters are bother and sister, Ash and Goodman. Ash is a budding feminist as a girl and throughout the novel she digs deeper into feminism and feminist theater. However, in their late teens, Goodman is accused of raping one of their common friends, Cathy.

Rape Culture Watch: Why, Mindy Project? JUST WHY?

[Content note: rape, rape culture]

In general, I like the Mindy Project. It's lighthearted. It legitimately makes me laugh. Mindy Kaling is a funny, smart, woman of color starring in her own show. It's far from perfect, but it's pretty good.

So I was fairly devastated when James Franco's two episode guest starring story arch ended in his rape.

Slut Shaming vs. Cultural Critique

[Content note: Discussions of rape culture and slut shaming]

I have stayed intentionally silent on the whole Robin Thicke Blurred Lines nonsense because it's one of the few artifacts of rape culture that, I think, has actually received the proper backlash it deserves. But someone recently passed this article my way, in which a self described feminist defends the song and says that its detractors are essentially slut shaming...and goes as far as to say that the song is more feminist than the critique it has received.

Sigh.

Burn Riddick in a Fire

[Content note: rape]

When I ended my summer movie series, I commented, "I will, of course, continue to blog here and there about any films I see with particularly interesting gender messages." I guess what I meant by "particularly interesting gender messages" is "shit that makes my blood boil and I must comment on." Because I saw Riddick this weekend and there was nothing interesting about it...it was just a steaming pile of fail.

Kick Ass 2 (EWW)

This post is a part of my summer blockbuster series. I'll be tagging the whole thing as 2013 blockbusters.

[Content note: rape, victim blaming]

I had heard that Kick Ass 2 kinda sucked, but I still gave it a shot. And by "gave it a shot" I mean that Ronald wanted to see it, so I went because we see a bazillion movies. That reminds me. I've seen 3 movies I never wrote about that contained nothing remarkable...so I'm going to just write a paragraph about them each and conclude this series soon. Summer IS almost over.

Anyhoo, back to Kick Ass 2. Thing is, I really liked the original. I know it wasn't perfect and there were problematic elements, but Hit Girl was just so damn endearing to me. A foul mouthed 12 year old girl beating up evil grown men? Yes please!

Unfortunately Kick Ass 2 has too much awfulness to ignore.

More Dispatches from the Front Lines of Choice

[Content note: rape]

So since I've last written, things are getting worse! As of right now, the House passed SB5, the 24 hour waiting period has been suspended for the senate, and it's hitting their floor. I wish I could get out there now, but I will have to wait until this evening. I'm trying to keep my chin up, but things aren't looking good. The idea was to delay this to the end of the special session Tuesday...just run the clock out, but Lieutenant Gov. Dewhurst has said Gov. Perry may just call another special session anyway. The fact of the matter is that the Republicans have the votes they need.

SIGH.

Anyway, all day yesterday I was at the capitol with over 1,000 other people in orange making our pro-choice presence known. I was passing out t-shirts with Planned Parenthood and helping to keep our overflow room (that I've dubbed the Prochoice Lair) clean and stocked with refreshments.

[Image text: from inside the Texas Capitol Rotunda looking up at the three levels of pro-choice protesters. What you can't see is the 200-ish people on the ground floor with me.]

I was there when Representative Laubenberg made her now infamous comments. She said, "In the emergency room they have what's called rape kits where a woman can get cleaned out." in an attempt to refute an amendment that would be added to the law with an exemption for rape victims. Clearly her claim is incredibly damaging and erroneous, but beyond that, it carries the extra horrible implications that "good girls" go and get a rape kit done when they are "really" raped.

I want to scream.




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The Language of Rape Culture

[Content note: detailed discussion of rape culture, rape threats, trivialization of rape, slut shaming]

Never a dull day in the rape culture. I swear...just when I think, "oh hey, we're making SOME progress!" a ton of new, horrible stories pop up.

Some of the ways that rape culture operates are obvious (to those who are willing to engage in these discussions, at least.) For example, that list of rape threats that Lindy West received (linked above) for speaking out against rape jokes.

Other artifacts of the rape culture are less obvious.

The Chocolate Bar Analogy

[Content note: shaming of female sexuality, slut shaming, mention of rape/abuse]

Have I mentioned I have a great job? On Friday, we had an accessory swap to celebrate May birthdays.   (Seriously...that's how awesome we are.)

After the swap we had an informal lunch together and a really interesting discussion came up about slut shaming, virginity pledges, and sex education. I got the chance to share my chocolate bar analogy story and I realized that in all the blogging I've done about this topic, I have never shared that story here.

"Don't Be That Girl" is Utter BS

[Content note: detail discussion of rape, rape culture, and rape apologism. Originally from Facebooksexism.tumblr.com]

Over at my Tumblr, I recently published this submission. I didn't add any analysis because I assumed that people could see what was inherently wrong with the statement which read: “Just because you regret it…doesn’t mean it was rape. Don’t be that girl.” But I assumed wrong. I mean, I was even called sexist for this post because and I quote, “how is this rape apologism? there ARE in fact women who claim they were raped when they werent. are you saying that women never regret the sex they had and lie about it? that itself is sexist. [sic]"

(Um, maybe look up what sexist means.)

So let me break this down point by point.

Rape Culture and Unhealthy Relationships: A Case Study

[Content note: discussion of rape/pressured sexual acts/lack of consent/victim blaming]

Yesterday I posted a submission on Tumblr that I received via email and in less than a day, it's already reached well over 1100 notes. This is pretty atypical, as most of my posts max out at 30-50, but this particular topic seems to have invoked a firestorm of discussion.

Rape Culture Watch: YEP, Still Alive and Well

[Content note: discussions of rape culture, rape apologism, victim blaming, etc.]

Whelp...I'm back. SXSW was a ton of fun and I was so happy to have a much needed break. Sometimes I don't know how much I needed a break until I take one.

Unfortunately, in my time away, it turns out that our rape culture didn't just disappear. Not that I had any expectation it would...but a girl can dream, can't she?

I'm talking about the Steubenville case, verdict, and media coverage specifically. While I tried to be relatively unplugged the past week, it's impossible not to catch news about this, and rightfully so. Most of all, the discussion I've seen from various feminist sources is centered on the way the media is covering it and how their reporting has hit new levels of horrendousness.

The Stigma of Sex Work

[Content note: dehumanization of sex workers, rape culture.]

I don't often write about sex work. I think it's an area of feminism that is best left to people with more knowledge. I remember when I first started thinking critically about feminist issues, I read a piece where a woman was discussing how too often feminists talk about sex work without actually talking to sex workers or listening. I don't want to fall into that space, and I hope I don't.  But I need to write about this, because my blood is boiling.

Women's Bodies as Public Property

[Content note: discussion of body shaming, rape culture, victim blaming, street harassment.]

Goodness, women sure take a lot of shit when they claim their bodies as their own private possession instead of public domain, don't they?

Screw Nice...I Wish.

[Content note: discussion of street harassment and rape culture.]

I was recently talking with a friend about a situation she's been dealing with in her apartment complex parking lot. A man regularly harasses her. Here's a bit of her back story on him: 

Today when he asked whether I would ever date him if he were single, I did say, "Aren't you a little old for me?" As in, listen you middle-aged weirdo, this is never going to happen, plus you're married! However, he creepily said, "I think I'm just the right age, these young boys don't know what they're doing..."

Initially I was just like, oh he's just a flirty guy so maybe I shouldn't take this stuff so seriously. But he has said some things that are really not okay, like, "What would you do if I kidnapped you and took you away?" And he presented it as though it would be a welcome gesture, like he would be sweeping me off my feet and taking me somewhere nice. Except he def used the word "kidnapped."

I'm sure that most women can relate to this experience. It's sadly common in our society.

In talking with my friend, I began to think more deeply about how women are at a multiple disadvantages in this situation. Not only are men socialized to think that this behavior is acceptable, but women are socialized to just play nice. My friend was having a really hard time not responding positively to these advances--not because she was into it--but because she worries about what might happen to her if she just flat out told him to fuck off. He knows where she lives. Her mind can't help but go to scary places when she's having interactions like this.

And that's how rape culture works, you know. In broad generalizations, it creates a society where women live in fear (for good reason) and men feel free to say whatever they want to the woman who lives a few apartments down.

In an ideal world, people wouldn't experience street harassment. Full stop. In a slightly less ideal world, if you did experience street harassment, you would at least feel free to react in any manner you see fit. Women wouldn't operate under some artificial requirement to play nice. We'd tell the harasser to leave us alone and that would be that. But we don't live in either of those worlds. Like I said before, we live in a society which tells girls not to rock the boat, boys to say whatever they want, and beyond that--one which normalizes rape.

So when I talk to my friends about these situations, I say things like, "Stop being so nice." and "Send him an icy message that lets him know you're not OK with it." But it's more complicated than that, isn't it?

I want to scream SCREW NICE at the top of my lungs.  I want to tell every jackass who's ever told a lady to "smile baby" to mind his own damn business. I want to hold a rally in support of female curmudgeonly behavior. But I know that all of this is so much easier said that done. I wish a "screw nice" mentality would work. And I wish that women could feel safe employing it whenever they'd like. (What obligation do we owe the world to be nice anyway?!)

But the truth is that the more important goal here is for women to stay safe. And that is how it will be until we shift our cultural narrative to tell boys that they shouldn't assert control over anyone and DON'T RAPE instead of telling girls to be nice and don't get raped.

We've Got to Talk About Enthusiastic Consent

Hello, hello! I survived my event. We registered almost 1400 people and I ran my ass off all day Saturday. Yesterday and today I turned to self care. So far this week I've enjoyed a mani/pedi, sleep, a massage, and some of the best food in Austin. All in all, I'm doing pretty great.

My event gave me a blog idea. One of the things it provides is information for teen girls and their parents about how to have healthy conversations about sexuality. This got my wheels turning and I began to think about how we so rarely talk to teens about enthusiastic consent. 

Rape Culture in our "Justice" System

TW rape

I'm speechless. A friend just passed this my way.

Is it any shock that this happens...

Two Catholic school athletes who pleaded guilty to sexually assaulting a 16-year-old... They said they lifted her shirt, pulled down her pants and penetrated her vagina with their fingers because, according to one of the teens, "we thought it would be funny, but it wasn't." 

When we have a system where a representative of the court says this...

Paul Richwalsky, chief prosecutor in the juvenile court division of the county attorney's office, told her "get over it and see a therapist. … The jail was for 'real' rapists, murderers and robbers," according to an affidavit released Thursday.

I'm so horrified.

Why Narrowly Define Rape? (Hint: Rape Culture and Being Anti-Choice)

TW rape talk.

By now, I'm sure you've heard about how Republican Senate candidate and current Missouri Representative Todd Akin said, "...from what I understand from doctors [pregnancy from rape] is really rare...If it's a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down."

For further reading on this situation, I suggest you check out Shakesville's running coverage on the topic. If all of this doesn't make your head explode, I first must ask: WHY?! But I assume you are a decent human being and your head is thoroughly exploded. After you've picked your brains off the floor, I'd like to talk for a minute about why people attempt to narrowly define rape. As Ian Millhiser wrote at Think Progress, Akin (with our current republican VP nominee) has been in the business of trying to dismiss certain types of rape for a while:

Last year, Akin joined with GOP vice presidential candidate Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI) as two of the original co-sponsors of the “No Taxpayer Funding for Abortion Act,” a bill which, among other things, introduced the country to the bizarre term “forcible rape.”

HUH? What the hell does that mean anyway? What is forcible and what isn't? And what rape isn't forcible? Furthermore, why in the hell would a representative be in the business of categorizing rape types? Does that create JOBS?

OH WAIT...as Millhiser continues:

Federal law prevents federal Medicaid funds and similar programs from paying for abortions. Yet the law also contains an exception for women who are raped. The bill Akin and Ryan cosponsored would have narrowed this exception, providing that only pregnancies arising from “forcible rape” may be terminated. Because the primary target of Akin and Ryan’s effort are Medicaid recipients — patients who are unlikely to be able to afford an abortion absent Medicaid funding — the likely impact of this bill would have been forcing many rape survivors to carry their rapist’s baby to term.

Aaaaaand there is it. This is ultimately about controlling people's bodies and forced pregnancy. Really think about that. Akin's policies and statements are made from such a disturbingly anti-choice place that they are aimed at forcing someone to carry their rapist's baby. But most people don't really like that idea, so of course he is trying to say "If you got pregnant you weren't really raped!" I mean, we all know that rape victims are really just lying hussies who wanted it. Duh.

Sarcasm aside, I've said this before and I will say it again: narrowly defining rape helps no one but rapists. It perpetuates rape culture. If we doubt and deny that women are raped unless some arbitrary standard is met (a stranger attacks a modestly dressed virgin in an alley way and she fights like hell the whole time and doesn't get pregnant) we allow for the continuation of rapes which don't fit this standard. And a majority of rapes don't meet that standard. So rape continues.

And who ultimately benefits when rape is normalized? Is it women?