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Thursday, May 2, 2013

Speak the Truth, Even if Your Voice Shakes

[Image text: an old boarded up house with graffiti that reads,
"speak the truth, even if your voice shakes."]
[Content note: short mention of emotional abuse.]

I'm not one much to have personal mantras. Throughout the years, when other people have found inspiration in quotes and shared them everywhere as the words they live by, I've often thought, "oh how nice" and nothing more.

A few months ago I saw this image shared somewhere online (I can't even remember where) and for the first time words just kind of spoke to my soul. "Speak the truth, even if your voice shakes."



In an effort to know who to attribute this to, I Googled around a bit and came up short. Susan Sarandon had written about it before, but she got it from a bumper sticker. It seems that the source is unknown, but a similar statement is attributed to Maggie Kuhn.

In either case, these words really struck a chord with me. You see, I'm a really nervous person. (If you've read any of the more personal stuff I post here, that's pretty much a given at this point.) I have such a strong physical reaction to my nerves that my voice will shake when I'm in an uncomfortable setting. It's not even tied to the possibility of tears, although when I am about to cry, it shakes too. But right now I'm just talking about a physical response I have to my nerves that purely manifests in my voice.

I know that for many people this phrase means, "Speak up even if you're scared/hurt" and that's an incredibly important message. But I have a very different personal interpretation.

Despite my frequently shaky voice, I'm not actually someone who keeps quiet. I typically will speak up and share my opinions when I feel it is important to do so, even if my voice is shaking. But when the shake does come through and is audible I feel like I have betrayed myself. I feel like my point is being undermined by the way it is delivered. I get really embarrassed and I clear my throat and can typically get it under control moving forward, but I feel like those few shakes really derailed my message.

I know that this comes from interactions with my dad when I was a teen. He was very antagonistic and when I'd get into an argument with him, (like about being able to go over to a friend's house) if I got emotional in the slightest, it was the whole "here we go" *eye roll* act toward me. He would make it seem like I had lost all control so he couldn't talk to me "logically" anymore. I mean, he tried really hard to shame the emotion right out of me, but all it actually did was make me hyper aware of when emotion does enter my voice (as it always will.)

So when I read these words, it was like reading permission to confidently be myself. It was a reminder that everyone doesn't view outward displays of emotion as weakness and even if your listener does, that doesn't mean you should shut up.

Speak the truth, even if your voice shakes.

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5 comments:

  1. I love this - my voice shakes when I get nervous too, so this resonates deeply with me as well.

    I especially love your take on the quote. "It was like reading permission to confidently be myself" is exactly what I needed to hear. :) From a fellow nervous gal, thank you for writing this!

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  2. i just randomly found this looking for that quote! this building is a few minutes from my house i columbus, ohio. just to clear up, this isn't an abandoned house. it is on the garage of a house. the house has a lot of special need camp signs in the front yard and is very much lived in! when i read you read your blog i never thought i'd see that image! :-) thanks!

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  3. Thanks for your take on the quote. I saw it on a girls shirt today on the plane, and it made me think of times my voice would shake when telling the truth, and how i was taught -intentionally or not- to really be aware of that, and try to change the content of what i was saying so that the cues i was getting were making my voice steady, even when it meant lying. That made me reflect on why i would lie just to make my confidence built up enough that my voice was steady. I guess based on approval in the cues of the people who were listening. In essence encouraged to tell a white lie instead of being encouraged to tell the truth. My journey now, is rigorous honesty, and i found that quote to be strengthening in my resolve to speak the truth, even when my voice shakes.

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  4. Thanks for your take on the quote. I saw it on a girls shirt today on the plane, and it made me think of times my voice would shake when telling the truth, and how i was taught -intentionally or not- to really be aware of that, and try to change the content of what i was saying so that the cues i was getting were making my voice steady, even when it meant lying. That made me reflect on why i would lie just to make my confidence built up enough that my voice was steady. I guess based on approval in the cues of the people who were listening. In essence encouraged to tell a white lie instead of being encouraged to tell the truth. My journey now, is rigorous honesty, and i found that quote to be strengthening in my resolve to speak the truth, even when my voice shakes. Thanks -Jeremiah

    ReplyDelete

This blog has strict comment moderation intended to preserve a safe space. Moderation is managed solely by the blog author. As such, even comments made in good faith will be on a short delay, so please do not attempt to resubmit your comment if it does not immediately appear. Discussion and thoughtful participation are encouraged, but abusive comments of any type will never be published. The blog author reserves the right to publish/delete any comments for any reason, at her sole discretion.

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