Judgey? Judgy? Either way it's a made up word, so work with me.
I remember a time in my life when I was judgy...super judgy. If you did/liked/talked about/were things I didn't agree with, I pretty much wrote you off as stupid or annoying. I've tried really, really hard to not be like this anymore. It's a daily thing for me, remembering to consciously accept others' right to make their own choices and to reserve judgment.
So, as someone who is really, really mindful of this, it's really hard for me to see the feminist community so full of judgment, and judgment that is accepted so long as it's judgment in favor of something counter-culture. The specific examples I'm thinking are of the judgment thrown at women who fall into certain traditional roles. Instead of examining the societal pressure associated with traditional roles, people instead seem to jump on the case of the people involved.
Here are a few things I've seen thrown around in the feminist blogosphere:
1) I'm so sad for anyone who doesn't like [fill in random sexual activity]. Your sex life must really be white bread.
2) Monogamy isn't natural for humans, so you should abandon it.
3) Why would she mindlessly choose to be a housewife?
Now if you have a problem with societal stigmas on certain sexual activities, or the system of monogamy, or the pressure to be a homemaker, then discuss those particulars. Judging the individual women who are involved here doesn't do any good.
Popular contemporary feminism advocates for the reservation of judgment for so many people, such as the movement to end slut shaming. My point, plain and simple, is that this respect for choices could move beyond what is trendy and cool within feminism to be more equally applied in a variety of situations. I mean, I'm a highly monogamous person. It works for me. And my relationship is about as feminist as they come...so does my monogamy deserve ridicule simply because it conforms to the norm?
I'm not saying that every choice a woman makes is inherently feminist, simply because she made it. I've discussed that before. But what I am saying is that to create a feminist space, we must generally reserve judgment and hear someone out.
Even if you don't want to.