Friday, April 27, 2012

The Rage, It Fills Me

I'm sitting here sort of stewing. And so I'm about to engage in a cathartic, rambling post. My apologies in advance.

It's just that--I'm sick of being told to lighten get over stop talking about stop being so angry.

Seriously. Take a good look at this world. How could I not be angry?

Let's take just yesterday, as an example. Days ago on Facebook, I posted this status: "I have this crazy little idea that the world would be universally better if the people accepted that the only body the have a right to is their own." Some guy I barely know decided to comment on it saying something to the effect of "Well I guess those little babies can just defend themselves, right? :)"

So I promptly delete this comment and filter him from being able to read anything I post. To which he sends me a long message chastising me for my personal decision to limit his access to my posts. It ended in this: "I like hearing different perspectives - I feel it makes me a better, well-rounded, free-thinking individual. I thought you were the same way, but this move is evidence to suggest otherwise."

UGH are you kidding me? Is this a guilt trip? What? Seriously? Really? What? Keep in mind, he doesn't even know me. He's a friend of a friend who I have hung out with at most 3 times in person. But somehow he decides that he's entitled to troll my Facebook. For the record, I honestly don't give a shit about what he believes, that's his business. But when he exports his narrow minded views on to MY social media profiles, I reserve every right to delete them. And as for "different perspectives" --I'd love to hear from someone who is not peddling the same old crap. And as the Tumblr STFU Hypocrites said (which was re-blogged over 1800 times) "I'm not going to respect your 'opinion' if all it does is oppress people." What I really wanted to reply was this:

But I decided to say nothing instead. So I tried to move past this, but my blood was beginning to boil. But THEN on another post I state something about how I'm tired of "hipster sexism" like when guys make casual rape jokes to prove how edgy and liberal they are. Two guys immediately jump in defending their god given right to think rape his hilarious, dammit, and I should just get over it and stop being so sensitive! (Roughly paraphrased).

Hmm. Methinks a Facebook friends list clean up is in order. And now the blood boil was coming to a steady roll.

Finally, as I was going to bed and trying to control my blood pressure from the other two incidents, some douche trolled me here just to tell me what a terrible mother I'll be. *eye roll*

I know I can't take any of this online nonsense personally, but when 4 dudes in one day just REALLY want to control my thoughts/actions/feelings, I go off my GD rocker I get a bit peeved.

I've always tried to shy away from the angry feminist stereotype. And the humorless feminist stereotype couldn't be further from who I am (seriously, y'all. I'm laughing constantly. There's nothing that I love more than humor.) These stereotypes persist and are used to dismiss feminist opinions and downplay rightful frustrations.

The truth is that some days (like yesterday and now leaking into today) I'm just fucking pissed off and that's ok. I'm allowed this rage. I'm allowed to soak in the disgust I feel when I see misogyny accepted as the norm and the continual rise of male voices over female to declare what we should be ok with and how we should just deal...and how we should basically just quit bitching.

I don't want to let the rage consume me. I don't want my anger to take control, eating me from the inside out and leading me to be a bitter, withdrawn, hateful person. But I do want to let myself simmer in this anger and channel it into the many positive things that I do, daily, to try to make the world a better place for oppressed people.

I reject the societal message which tells me that my anger is unimportant and that I shouldn't fill my pretty little head with such dark thoughts.

I reject the societal messages which expect me to be happy, perky, and SMILE all the time, while a man can get away with a brooding for a moment or two without question.

I reject the pressure to go along with the crowd and laugh at a rape joke--when something is not funny, I WILL NOT LAUGH.

I reject the pressure from other women who have internalized these messages to the point that they will think I'm "negative" simply because I refuse to grin and bear what we are told to do.

I reject anyone who tries to brush off my concerns.

I accept that I am not happy with the world that I see and that I have a right to speak out against the injustices around me.

I accept that my feelings are real, important, and deserved.


  1. Do know let these assholes get to you. Just remember there are lots of up and coming feminists (like myself) who find your site and your insights an inspiration. Thank you for being you and for continuing to post. Never give up!

    1. Thank you. That means a lot! And I promise I won't give up--the rage just motivates me :)

  2. You read my mind :) Facebook cleanup, in my case, involved..., well, suspending the whole thing and starting another one with absolutely no information and no contacts. I just use it for invites to events and access to articles.

    1. That is sounding more and more like the way to go...

  3. Sometimes, I'm driving after dark and I'm getting sleepy, so I'll turn on hate radio and listen to what they are saying. It gets my adrenaline up and keeps me awake. However, I often find I hear things so outrageous, mean and unfair that all I can do is growl and sputter in reply. It gets so bad I can only say "Oh! Oh!" or "Grr! Argggh!" Seriously, I reach the point where I'm not even articulate enough to say "What a load of crap!" (Dammit, and I typed "carp" the first time. Giggle.) My anger can be so instense that it completely short circuits my brain. What eventually comforts me is finding an excellent and funny takedown of conservative ill-logic on Colbert or The Daily Show or a less funny but more comprehensive dissection on Maddow. (She plays it, um, straighter than they do.) When I'm so angry I can't think straight, I sometimes rely on others to do my thinking for me, and to help me find an explosive way to release my anger (in snarky laughter).

    Pretty much all sexist and racist humor isn't really funny. Most of that stuff doesn't meet the definition of a "joke". In reality, there are just a lot of putdowns flying around. It may be a mostly male thing that reinforces a pecking order in a group.

    I do some socially divergent/deviant things outside of feminism. When people "police" my choices, it helps me to think of them as sheepdogs nipping me in the ankles and trying to keep me in line with the rest of the her.

    1. Sometimes you do gotta laugh so you don't cry (or go all brain explode-y.) Colbert/Stewart are great for that!


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