Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Garbage post about sex and marriage is garbage

[Content note: possible rape culture]

I don't often do this, but I read such a horrible post about sex and marriage at the Huffington Post blogs, that I HAD to display it's blech-ness for a moment.

Written by Meg Conley, the piece is called "5 Reasons You Should Have Sex With Your Husband Every Night." Right off the bat, you might be able to tell my chief complaint is that no one should ever have to have sex unless they really want to...but beyond that, Conley just seems entirely incapable of even imagining that people might feel differently than her or might have lives and experiences that are not the same as hers. And that's just something that bugs me in general.

To illustrate the garbage-ness of this post, let me just walk through one of Conley's points...
2. If you want your husband to act like a man, you need to treat him like a man. Hold the eye rolls. I am not pushing for a return to the 1950′s. (Although, heaven knows an era in which low rise jeans did not exist is basically alright by me.) Women need any number of criteria met to feel loved. Men are far simpler. They need to be fed, they need to be appreciated, and they need to have sex. That is it. Really. So make or order dinner once in a while. Say thank you for the long hours spent at work with a hug and smile when he walks through the door each night. (Better yet? Smile as you hand him the kids and walk out the door for a long, much needed break.) And my goodness, let the poor man see you naked...
NOPE. Sorry. The eye rolls are coming. This is so gender role infused that I cannot even think logically right now. "Men are far simpler.They need to be fed, they need to be appreciated, and they need to have sex. That is it. Really." I can't believe I am reading this on a blog post written in 2014, and yet there it is.

To suggest this as legitimate advice is absurd. Men are not a fucking monolith of simplicity and neither are relationships. I'm pretty disturbed that this "easy fix" mentality toward what could actually be a very complex situation for other people was published on a major site. Overall I'm not mad about an article which advocates for reigniting passions after years in a marriage and/or kids. But this is not how you do it. Hell, I'd even be fine with Conley writing a personal piece with 95% the same content and titling it "How I Reconnected With My Husband."

But this being promoted as "y'all should do this!!" is just what gets my goat.

Conley goes on to say other *super insightful* things like, "It is so much blasted fun. Seriously. Why are we so quick to refuse the good things in life?" which just makes me more certain that she is either incapable or unwilling to for a moment consider that people's relationships and lives might be very different than hers and that her "just have sex every night guise!" bit is actually rather unhelpful. She genuinely seems to believe that women in heterosexual relationships are ignoring their partners and/or withholding sex and/or not doing it just because.

So she posits, "Just do it!" Thanks, Nike Conley.

Sigh. Sigh. Sigh.

I can't even remember how I stumbled upon this particular piece but it just so strongly rubbed me the wrong way that I had to rant for a moment.

Please see the commenting policy before replying to this post.

1 comment:

  1. It reminds me of those commercials where men are portrayed as lovable but unintelligent brutes who in spite of having hands with opposable thumbs can't seem to manage even the most basic housework - which is why you need to forgive them, ladies, and do it all yourself with the help of our brand new product!

    Same goes for the "work" in relationships. You aren't in a relationship involving complex individuals. You're the caretaker for a lovable brute with simple needs. And if the care-taking chores seem burdensome or forced, well, just smile ladies and perform the following simple tricks...


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