The January Body Positive Blues

[Content note: fatphobic/weight/food stuff.]

I talk about this nearly every year. January is the season to truly hate our bodies. We come out of the holidays with all of those INDULGE messages and then suddenly in January, we're supposed to set a resolution to work out, eat "better," lose weight--and generally feel shameful about our flabby, doughy, *DISGUSTING* bodies while torturing ourselves into thinness just in time for "bathing suit season."

It's enough to make even the most body positive bitch, like yours truly, get a case of the January blues.

One of the things that bugs me the most about this time of year is that it is NEVER a quiet, internal "I want to get back in shape" process that individuals embark upon on their own. Nope--it's VERY driven by the billion dollar weight loss industry, EVERYONE gets in on it, and it's continuously in your face.

Take advertisements this time of year. You don't even have to listen carefully to hear it, because it will be smashed upside your head. Every gym is running a special. Restaurants roll out their "light" menus (which are all buried by March.) Department stores like Kohls and Old Navy move their active wear to the front of the store and begin running special promotions. Special K is. every. where.

Bleh.

What bothers me most, above all, is how the messages reach the youngest ears, especially from the adults around them. Adult women (mothers, aunts, etc.) who have internalized this pressure have enormous impact on the body image formation of girls, and perpetuate it with them. In my line of work, I do frequent research on this topic for grants...and needless to say, the situation grows more grim all the time. According to a 2013 CDC study, only 4% of high school aged girls were not actively trying to lose weight (compared to 67% of boys.) A study of girls ages 3-6 in the Southern US showed that nearly 50% of them were already worried about their weight. (British Journal of Psychology, 2010.)

Ages 3-6!

I think about a mom at an event I was at recently. She couldn't stop talking about how terrible the holidays are for your weight and how she wasn't going to eat anything and get "fatter" this year. All while 20 or so 13-17 year olds were nearby. This woman was intending no ill will toward the girls (including her daughter). She only spoke of her own dissatisfaction with her own body. But it doesn't really work that way, does it? Talking shit about ourselves in front of kids isn't just about us. It's inherently teaching them how to view themselves too. "If she thinks she's fat, what does she think about me?" "If she's disgusting, maybe I'm disgusting."

This mentality sets off a domino effect. It is inextricably linked to never feeling good enough, undue emphasis placed on physical attributes, and complicated, toxic, unhealthy relationships with food and eating.

It's got to stop some place, right? Why not with us?

Listen, I can't avoid the January body positive blues all together. I can't stop the endlessly fatphobic messages of the media. It's going to be there as long as profit motives rule.

But I'm not entirely powerless either. I can stop my own perpetuation of these messages. I can refuse to talk like that mom. I can refuse to purchase products which pander to this mentality. I can start discussions about this with others. I can point out toxic message when I hear them. I can encourage critical media consumption. I can (try) to practice radical self-love and acceptance (which, really, is a huge middle finger to the whole system when you think about it.)



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Just eat the whole damn thing

[Content note: food and weight stuff.]

With Thanksgiving less than a week away, my brain as been fine tuned to the up-tick in food shaming that is all around us....(and of course the ever present doubly confusing "indulge! indulge!" of November/December followed by the "change yourself, you disgusting fat fuck!" of January.)

One of my favorite things to write about this time of year is how we can step away from fat shaming during the holidays and take care of ourselves through what is often a stressful time of year.

This year, I'd like to add this message to the mix: Just eat the whole damn thing, ladies.

[Image text: Gif of Liz Lemon saying, "I can't have it all!" while eating a doughnut and her mouth is full.]

 A couple of recent experiences have made me think about this:

1) I volunteered at an event recently with a pregnant woman who was obviously usually very thin. The event had a DELICIOUS dessert that we were all eating and she was talking about how the best thing about being pregnant is eating dessert and not feeling guilty because you can just say that the baby wants to eat it....Sigh. Ya know, because you wanting to eat it isn't enough.

2) I realized that one of my biggest pet peeves is when people split up pieces of food in a shared space (ie, taking half of a doughnut and leaving the other half in box in the break room.) It's a pet peeve because I don't want fondled half foods but also because I've realized this is one of those "things women do." I posted about it on Facebook and it spawned dozens of comments, ALL of whom were women many admitting they do this themselves; often because, I quote, "I'm trying to trick myself into thinking I'm not going to come back and just eat the other half."

So let me drive my point home.

Just eat. Eat the whole damn thing. Eat what you want.

EAT.

When you're around your Thanksgiving table next week or when you're at a holiday party or whatever over the next 6 weeks (and forever!) if you want to eat something, please, for the love of god, EAT IT. 

And if you don't want to eat it, then don't. That's fine.

But in either case, don't contribute to judgey, guilt-ridden, value-laden toxic relationships with food that permeate our society.

I'm sick of comments like what I mentioned in #1. Can't we all just eat, drink, and be merry? It's not eat, drink, and constantly-feel-like-shit-about-everything-you-put-in-your-body.

You're not a bad person if you eat what you want to eat. You're not a bad person if that's a whole cupcake or 6 Christmas cookies or extra butter on your potatoes (and you're not a better person if you drink kale smoothies and only eat organic quinoa salads). You're not a bad person if your weight fluctuates or if you skip a workout or if you binge watch Netflix on your couch for 2 days straight.

Nothing about your body or appetite makes you a bad person. I promise.



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Tis the Season to Feel Like Crap About Your Body...

[Content note: New Year weight loss stuffs]

Fa la la la...Sigh. It doesn't really have the same ring does it?

So it's January. A new year. A fresh start. A new opportunity to feel bad about your weight! YAY!

Here's a lovely pertinent gem I've seen floating around:

[Picture reads "Adverts before Christmas" with a happy woman surrounded by treats and the text, "enjoy yourself!" Below is "After Christmas" with a physical trainer yelling, "You're a sack of sh*t." a dress saying, "fit into me" and other messages like, "stop smoking," "join a gym," and "cereal for dinner."]

When I saw this, my first comment was, "Hm. It's almost like they're always trying to sell us something." Because that's exactly what's happening.

As is obvious if you click around here for two seconds, I'm always a critic of our ever fatphobic culture. But there are a few times a year where the fatphobia hits such a fever pitch, that it's on a whole other level.

And resolution season is the worst. What makes the situation even more troubling is how just a few days prior the message du jour was of INDULGENCE. It's like we're set up for failure, and when you "fail" the $20 billion weight loss industry will be there, ready to pounce. That is, if you believe that success is determined by body size.

Luckily, I don't.

But sometimes it's not that simple. The chorus of "lose weight" gets so loud this time of year, it's nearly inescapable, even for the firmly body positive. If you're not inundated with ads on radio, TV, online, and magazines, then it's your friends on Facebook postings statuses with their weight loss goals or your coworkers bemoaning how the holidays wrecked their bodies. It's all too much! (And before someone chimes in with, "There's nothing wrong with wanting to change your body...as they always do...please note: I'm critiquing cultural pressure/messaging, not anyone's individual choice. There's a big difference between making a personal change and making a personal change and then saying, "I just can't eat like that anymore!" when you're friend grabs a cookie.)

So my challenge to you, should you accept it, is to take a stance this resolution season and shamelessly love your body out loud. Post a status about how you're not buying the weight loss hype. Make body positive comments at the dinner table with your family. Tweet a selfie and praise it. If someone food polices another person, ask them to stop.

Be an ally against the shame this season. There will be far too many people playing the fat negative game...let's build some momentum on the side of positivity.

Related reading:
Rethinking New Year's Resolutions
Examining Resolution Season
Speaking Up Online


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Intersectionalism Has a Long Way to Go, Even on the Left

I promise, someday, I will write about something other than my experience standing in opposition to the omnibus anti-abortion legislation here in Texas. Someday, but not today.

Yesterday was another long day at the capitol. I worked from 9-2 and then assisted with whatever Planned Parenthood needed including managing lines and feeding volunteers from 2-midnight. If I may whine for a minute, my back has really taken a hit from being on my feet all day. It's started spasming, which is a new and scary thing.

Anyway, my experiences yesterday (and over the course of this process in general) have reminded me that feminism and progressive movements are still unfortunately far from inclusive. Here's a quick run down of several things I have noticed:



1) The main coalition of prochoice organizations has run off shirts that read, "Stand with Texas women." While this is better than the antis' condescending "Protect women," it is still cissexist and denies the reality that many people who do not identify as women need access to abortion. This exclusive phrasing of the entire campaign I'm sure has felt very disheartening to many who are not represented under the label "women." I think the organizations involved are wary of politicizing words like "choice" but "Texas stands for choice" would have been a better alternative, in my opinion. (Edited to add: It's also been pointed out to me that the "stand" verb is abelist, so I feel we must take that into consideration too.)

This concern is a big problem that I see with mainstream prochoice politics in general. For example, I saw a tweet going around the other day that said something to the effect of "This isn't just a reproductive issue, it's a women's issue." I believe the intent of this was to help people see how reproductive access is inherently tied into gender politics as a whole, but the reductionist language of "women" perpetrates trans* erasure.  As Jane Doe, MD tweeted earlier today,

Trans* inclusiveness to me is inherent to feminism, bc biological determinism & essentialism is the unthinkable alternative...Feminism needs to not just be trans* inclusive, but explicitly advocate for trans* people. Otherwise we let gender based oppression prosper.

2) So. Many. Ableist. Slurs. As someone who is handing out food, I occupy a space of special joy in many tired, frustrated prochoice activists' minds. As such, they come over to grab a bite and vent about what they're seeing and unfortunately, that frequently dissolves into calling antis every possible version of "crazy" they can think of. (One person even ranted to me about how "the other side is truly mental.") I try to mirror back non-stigmatizing language in regards to my own frustration with antis, but there's so little than I can do in these 20 second interactions to address the issue.

Too often words like "crazy" have become short hand for people who we disagree with or don't like. We see antis with signs that say incredibly offensive things, so the visceral reaction is to attack them back. But the result when the words we use have an ableish intent is that the non-neurotypical prochoicers who are all around us feel isolated from the movement.

And while we're talking about ableism, can we just stop for a minute and acknowledge that Wendy Davis wouldn't have even been able to filibuster last week if she was not physically able to stand for those 13 hours. Seriously. It's in the Texas law...a senator MUST stand to conduct a filibuster, regardless of their personal physical circumstances. Furthermore, I read that there were accessibility issues for the buildings and rooms involved, which presented real challenges to citizens participating in this process.

How messed up is that?

3) Tons of people feel the need to share their thoughts on the nature of the food donated, usually with the intent to fat shame and body and/or food police. So as a food passer-outer, I have a front row seat for all the weight/food related comments. Every 5th person makes some comment about how they "shouldn't take another cookie" or are "going to have to run an extra mile after this." Others bemoan that we need more "healthy" options or go with the whole, "well I guess I can be bad today" angle. As a happily fat person, who has learned to embrace who I am despite the chorus of "you're not good enoughs!" it is particularly frustrating to have so many people share their very personal food and health related values out loud over and over and over. The food that is provided by generous people from all over the country is to help sustain us as we engage with the political process. As such, it needs to be cost effective, easily available for delivery, and come in mass quantities.

That means that it's not going to work for everyone...and that's OK. What's not OK is sharing possibly triggering food/body thoughts with everyone else around the table.




As I've said before, I have been infinitely impressed with how diverse the people who have come together over this issue are. I've interacted with people of so many backgrounds, ages, and gender expressions, who hail from all over the state.

But if our movement is still marginalizing people, then we're doing it wrong.

I do not intend to needlessly criticize my fellow prochoicers who have been out there day after day...I admire our spirit and I'm proud to be a part of this. I just want us to be better, because the fact of the matter is that unless this movement addresses all of its own oppressive elements, it is inherently flawed and incomplete.



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Concern Trolls, Ahoy!

[Content note: discussions of weight]

Ya know, I was just thinking how nice it was to see many women who were not extremely thin at the Grammy's Sunday night (Adele, Kelly Clarkson, Mavis Staples, Brittany Howard, Miranda Lambert.) Oh course, as soon as my brain formed that thought, Fox News came along to crush it. Now, before you fear I was actually watching Fox News, don't worry--I only know this because Feministing reported it. As Samhita wrote:

Meat Eating and Feminism

[Content note: discussions of eating and body policing.]

I recently received an email from reader Tricia about the connections between meat eating and feminism. She wrote (reprinted with permission):

And although I have been a vegetarian for 7 years, I recently realized that I don't know if I can reconcile the control and consumption of not only someone else's body, but of entire species based on nothing but their difference from "human" (which I make note not so long ago was referred to simply as "man," thus leaving women out of the "in" group and part of the "others") with feminism in any way. Let me rephrase that. I cannot. Perhaps I am shallow-minded because I am so passionate about animals (ALL animals, ourselves included), but I was hoping to get your perspective on the matter. Can we dominate these beings and still call ourselves feminist? (I ask because I have several friends and family members who are staunch feminists and also staunch meat-eaters.)

See, it's a difficult question for me because on the one hand I don't want to criticize women for their eating habits, because society does that enough, no? And certainly there are more women who are vegetarians than men... however, I cannot help but think that these two issues are fundamentally intertwined. Your thoughts?

Speaking Up Online

[Content note: online harassment, body shame, fatphobia]

I recently wrote about how I "live feminism" in my daily life. And I mentioned this,

...there is a difference between how I use Twitter/Tumblr and Facebook. On Facebook, since I post under my "real" name and many of my "friends" and family are not feminists, I tone down my activism. I'm honest about what I believe and how I feel, but I don't inundate my page with as many articles and opinions. I don't see a ton of sexism on my own newsfeed that I need to call out, because I have defriended or unsubscribed from the most offensive people. When I do see sexist BS on a friend's page, I don't always immediately call it/them out. It depends on how well I know them. If they're not worth it, I defriend. I will screen cap and share on Tumblr, however.

Honestly, I wish I could be bolder on Facebook.

I feel weird about Facebook and I really hold back on my activism in that space. While my Tumblr/Twitter is full of people I don't really know--they are people who I follow because they are feminist. Facebook is a whole lot of people, that Goyte would say, I used to know; many from contexts where my feminism was yet undiscovered (high school) or not discussed. I mean, it's no secret to my FB "friends" that I'm a feminist but the extent of my personal beliefs aren't as out there as they are on other media.

10 Steps to a Fat Shame Free Thanksgiving

[Content note: fat shame, body/food policing]

Hello, hello. As you probably know, Thursday is Thanksgiving here in the US. The good news is that it's a time to enjoy seeing friends and family and be reflective about all the wonderful things you have in your life. The bad news is that it's riddled with myths, it kicks off the most consumerist time of the year, and it involves a whole lot o' fat shaming and food policing.

It can be really hard for those of us who are fat positive and body accepting to get through this time. If you need a little help, check out this guide to surviving the holidays in a fat shaming environment. And for the fat shamers themselves, here are 10 quick and easy steps to being a good person at your turkey day this week (and any other time, really.)

Kiss My Pasta Loving Butt, Eat This, Not That!

It's been everywhere. Lady Gaga gained some weight and the media goes crazy. So she comes back with a "Body Revolution" project on her website and discloses that she has been struggling with anorexia and bulimia for over a decade. It's all interesting, and if you haven't heard much about it, I suggest you check out the coverage and discussions at Feministing or Bitch. (The integrity of her "Body Revolution" project, for example, is very much the center of a debate in many fat positive and feminist spaces right now.)

But what I'd like to talk about was brought to my attention last night when I saw that Zerlina Maxwell tweeted:

[Tweet reads: "hey guys Lady Gaga also said she had an eating disorder so how about now using her for your tweet. thx. @EatThisNotThat]

I couldn't help but wonder, what exactly had Eat This, Not That said?

[Tweet reads: "Lady Gaga blames her recent 25-lb weigh gain on pasta. To avoid a similar fate, stay away from these 7 pasta crimes.]

Oh how lovely.

Leave it to a member of the 60 billion dollar a year weight loss industry to try to capitalize on someone's body related vulnerability. Lady Gaga reveals something deeply personal, talks frankly about her body and her struggles with it, and Eat This, Not That turns it into a food shaming discussion intended to help us "avoid the same fate?"

Really?

You know what would actually help us "avoid the same fate" (here meaning the further spread of eating disorders)? A culture where all different bodies are appreciated and valued. One where certain foods are not coded "good" and others as "bad." One free from food policing. One where we stop putting celebrities' bodies (and all of our bodies!) under extreme scrutiny. One where we all emphatically agree: there is no wrong way to have a body.

Food, Fatness, and Feminism

This post is a part of my “Out of the Kitchen” weekly column over at The Progressive Playbook in which various news and pop culture items will be examined through a feminist lens.

Today, when I was browsing the ‘net to see what was going on in my world, I stopped for a moment on the top stories at Yahoo (first mistake). There, I was reminded of one of the biggest mixed messages we receive: eat, eat, eat! But somehow, above all else, stay thin.

As women, we encounter confusing messages almost everywhere we turn. We’re supposed to remain virginal, but we’re also supposed to know how to please a man. We’re supposed to simultaneously be amazing mothers and also now the best in our fields. We’re supposed care about how we look and be attractive, but not dress too sexy (because then we’re sluts.) On top of it all, comes the additional pressure that we are supposed prepare and enjoy food, yet make sure that we work off all of those tricky little calories so that we stay desirable.

The burden to be thin in our society is undeniable. Practically no one is immune to the messages. In fact, “almost nine in 10 American teenage girls say they feel pressured by the fashion and media industries to be skinny and that an unrealistic, unattainable image of beauty has been created.” The results of this pressure are detrimental. “10% of the girls and women in the US have eating disorders. Of those, an estimated 50,000 will die as a result of their disease.” It’s no joke. Read more...