The January Body Positive Blues

[Content note: fatphobic/weight/food stuff.]

I talk about this nearly every year. January is the season to truly hate our bodies. We come out of the holidays with all of those INDULGE messages and then suddenly in January, we're supposed to set a resolution to work out, eat "better," lose weight--and generally feel shameful about our flabby, doughy, *DISGUSTING* bodies while torturing ourselves into thinness just in time for "bathing suit season."

It's enough to make even the most body positive bitch, like yours truly, get a case of the January blues.

One of the things that bugs me the most about this time of year is that it is NEVER a quiet, internal "I want to get back in shape" process that individuals embark upon on their own. Nope--it's VERY driven by the billion dollar weight loss industry, EVERYONE gets in on it, and it's continuously in your face.

Take advertisements this time of year. You don't even have to listen carefully to hear it, because it will be smashed upside your head. Every gym is running a special. Restaurants roll out their "light" menus (which are all buried by March.) Department stores like Kohls and Old Navy move their active wear to the front of the store and begin running special promotions. Special K is. every. where.

Bleh.

What bothers me most, above all, is how the messages reach the youngest ears, especially from the adults around them. Adult women (mothers, aunts, etc.) who have internalized this pressure have enormous impact on the body image formation of girls, and perpetuate it with them. In my line of work, I do frequent research on this topic for grants...and needless to say, the situation grows more grim all the time. According to a 2013 CDC study, only 4% of high school aged girls were not actively trying to lose weight (compared to 67% of boys.) A study of girls ages 3-6 in the Southern US showed that nearly 50% of them were already worried about their weight. (British Journal of Psychology, 2010.)

Ages 3-6!

I think about a mom at an event I was at recently. She couldn't stop talking about how terrible the holidays are for your weight and how she wasn't going to eat anything and get "fatter" this year. All while 20 or so 13-17 year olds were nearby. This woman was intending no ill will toward the girls (including her daughter). She only spoke of her own dissatisfaction with her own body. But it doesn't really work that way, does it? Talking shit about ourselves in front of kids isn't just about us. It's inherently teaching them how to view themselves too. "If she thinks she's fat, what does she think about me?" "If she's disgusting, maybe I'm disgusting."

This mentality sets off a domino effect. It is inextricably linked to never feeling good enough, undue emphasis placed on physical attributes, and complicated, toxic, unhealthy relationships with food and eating.

It's got to stop some place, right? Why not with us?

Listen, I can't avoid the January body positive blues all together. I can't stop the endlessly fatphobic messages of the media. It's going to be there as long as profit motives rule.

But I'm not entirely powerless either. I can stop my own perpetuation of these messages. I can refuse to talk like that mom. I can refuse to purchase products which pander to this mentality. I can start discussions about this with others. I can point out toxic message when I hear them. I can encourage critical media consumption. I can (try) to practice radical self-love and acceptance (which, really, is a huge middle finger to the whole system when you think about it.)



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No more Christmas pictures like this...NO MORE

Sometimes something is just so messed up, I MUST write about it. Immediately.

Today is one of those days.

Let me start by saying this, if I were to start a comprehensive list of all the bullshit that we DON'T need more of in our society, I'd probably have a hand cramp in about 20 minutes and would have only just begun what would be a life long endeavor. So for now, I'll just suggest ONE item for the list: a new, misogynistic brand of Christmas pictures that has popped up this holiday season. 

The first I heard of this, a coworker showed me one from her Facebook feed because she knew I'd share her disgust. Not but a week later, another similar image was submitted to FacebookSexism.

Here are the pictures in question

Yes, that's right. These "cutesy" holiday family photos depict the husband/sons saying a variation of "finally peace on earth" and the mothers/daughters with DUCT TAPED MOUTHS AND BOUND BY CHRISTMAS LIGHTS. This is some kind of trend apparently...?

I feel like it should be totally unnecessary for me to explain why this is fucked up, and how invoking violent, misogynistic imagery isn't ok, but just in case, to add to the list of bullshit we DON'T need anymore there's also:

1. Messages for girls that they shouldn't speak up. 
2. Messages which "joke" that kidnapping, abuse, and even rape can be alluded to in a cutesy/playful way.
3. Messages for girls that their thoughts/opinions/voices, etc. are "annoying" or otherwise not peaceful. 
4. Messages that boys/men are in charge. 
5. Messages that boys/men are the only ones worth hearing from. 
6. Messages which send implicit normalization of abuse of women/girls. 
7. Messages which send implicit normalization of control of women/girls.

That's just what I can think off the top of my head! If you're in the crowd that thinks this garbage is "cute" I'd love for you to explain WHY in a way which doesn't directly invoke and play into one of these 7 messages that I've listed. 

Please, try. 

I'm waiting. 

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Just eat the whole damn thing

[Content note: food and weight stuff.]

With Thanksgiving less than a week away, my brain as been fine tuned to the up-tick in food shaming that is all around us....(and of course the ever present doubly confusing "indulge! indulge!" of November/December followed by the "change yourself, you disgusting fat fuck!" of January.)

One of my favorite things to write about this time of year is how we can step away from fat shaming during the holidays and take care of ourselves through what is often a stressful time of year.

This year, I'd like to add this message to the mix: Just eat the whole damn thing, ladies.

[Image text: Gif of Liz Lemon saying, "I can't have it all!" while eating a doughnut and her mouth is full.]

 A couple of recent experiences have made me think about this:

1) I volunteered at an event recently with a pregnant woman who was obviously usually very thin. The event had a DELICIOUS dessert that we were all eating and she was talking about how the best thing about being pregnant is eating dessert and not feeling guilty because you can just say that the baby wants to eat it....Sigh. Ya know, because you wanting to eat it isn't enough.

2) I realized that one of my biggest pet peeves is when people split up pieces of food in a shared space (ie, taking half of a doughnut and leaving the other half in box in the break room.) It's a pet peeve because I don't want fondled half foods but also because I've realized this is one of those "things women do." I posted about it on Facebook and it spawned dozens of comments, ALL of whom were women many admitting they do this themselves; often because, I quote, "I'm trying to trick myself into thinking I'm not going to come back and just eat the other half."

So let me drive my point home.

Just eat. Eat the whole damn thing. Eat what you want.

EAT.

When you're around your Thanksgiving table next week or when you're at a holiday party or whatever over the next 6 weeks (and forever!) if you want to eat something, please, for the love of god, EAT IT. 

And if you don't want to eat it, then don't. That's fine.

But in either case, don't contribute to judgey, guilt-ridden, value-laden toxic relationships with food that permeate our society.

I'm sick of comments like what I mentioned in #1. Can't we all just eat, drink, and be merry? It's not eat, drink, and constantly-feel-like-shit-about-everything-you-put-in-your-body.

You're not a bad person if you eat what you want to eat. You're not a bad person if that's a whole cupcake or 6 Christmas cookies or extra butter on your potatoes (and you're not a better person if you drink kale smoothies and only eat organic quinoa salads). You're not a bad person if your weight fluctuates or if you skip a workout or if you binge watch Netflix on your couch for 2 days straight.

Nothing about your body or appetite makes you a bad person. I promise.



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Teaching Kids to Lie...Because Santa.

This isn't really "feminist" or even "important" but in this space I get to write and process whatever I want, so deal.

Today, I read two things, back to back on my social media pages, that gave me pause. First was a post on Tumblr which read, "When a child is punished for their honesty, they begin to lie."

The next was this image on Facebook:

[Image text reads: "When you stop believing in Santa Claus, you get underwear."]

Besides the obvious illustration of the difference between my Facebook feed and my Tumblr dashboard, I thought this was interesting to see back to back.

I've long been disturbed by the, "you must believe in Santa Claus!" rule that permeates our society. Maybe it's because I don't have kids so I don't get the appeal, but I'm not sure why this is SUCH an important lie Christian families in America feel they must tell their kids.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not opposed to the mythology and fun around Santa, and signing gifts as from Santa or whatever...but the full on creation and pushing of the lie that HE ABSOLUTELY DOES EXIST AND GAVE YOU THOSE GIFTS AND THE ELF ON THE SHELF IS WATCHING AND DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION IT is beyond me.

I know numerous families, including my own, where kids aren't allowed to say stuff like, "Santa isn't real!" and if you do, then the response is, automatically, "Ok, well you don't get gifts anymore!" What kid is going to be like, "That's cool, keep your gifts and your dirty lies, Grandma, Santa is a hoax." They, instead, begin indulging in the continuation of the lie, pretending they don't know how it works, and teaching the lie to younger kids, and so on.

Of course, I know there's a difference between this lie and lies which are directly intended to hurt people--but how are parents able to mange the cognitive dissonance around punishing their kids for lying, but then saying this kind of stuff to them?

What would be so bad about a discussion of the spirit of giving at Christmas, and Santa as a symbol of that...but the gift giving is between actual, real life people? Why does it have to be "Believe in Santa!!!!"

It weirds me out.

I think there is value to the phrase that I started this all with: "When a child is punished for their honesty, they begin to lie." I hate the idea of punishing kids for speaking their truth...whether is something as small as, "Hey, I don't think that this Santa thing is what the adults are making out to be..." all they way up to bigger things that parents really need to know and listen to like, "I'm not a boy" or "I don't like it when Uncle Rob comes over."

Just a thought.

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Some Holiday Resources!

As we are on eve of Thanksgiving and the full blown "holiday season," my mind has been rolling with all the various feelings/anxieties/stresses this time of year often brings up. Add to that, the fact that it has been one helluva horrific week, I think we could all stand to focus in on some self care.

Over the years I've written a few things here and there about getting through and thinking critically about the holidays...I thought they might prove helpful to share again.

10 Steps to a Fat Shame Free Thanksgiving (pretty self explanatory. I really stand by this one!)

Self Care and Resources for Getting Through the Holidays (this is my master post round up of everything helpful in the realm I could find online last year.)

Don't Be Part of the Problem this Holiday Season (some ideas about the issues with "Black Friday" and all that garbage.)

Family Stress and Imperfect Holidays (just know you're not alone is the holiday season for you doesn't look like a greeting card.)

Mindful Giving at the Holidays (aka, rethinking the reflective act of dropping coins in a donation tin.)

All in all, my biggest message is to do the absolute best you can to take care of yourself. You deserve it.

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My body is not a costume

[Content note: fat shaming, fatphobia, weight loss]

I wasn't surprised to see a few "fat suit" costumes come across my newsfeed Friday night and Saturday morning on Facebook.

No, not surprised. Disgusted. Embarrassed. Outraged. Yes, all of those, but not surprised.

There's a disturbingly long history of fat suit usage in popular culture and our media. The trend of these artifacts is to mock, shame, humiliate, and belittle actual fat people. But even the more seemingly positive "I'm just trying to experience life like you for a day" examples convey the message that thin people sensationally experiencing the just so awful lives of fat people is more interesting than listening to ACTUAL fat folks.

One costume I saw in particular rubbed me the wrong way. It looked like this (but this particular image was pulled from Google.)

[Image text: two people posing in fat suits and Biggest Loser contestant shirts.]

The Biggest Loser is one of the most heinous examples of outright fat hatred that I can think of...what they put their contestants through is dehumanizing and outright dangerous. So for some thin folks to not only don a fat body for funsies--but one that is so visibly abused and degraded by that crap show week after week...well it just pisses me the fuck off.

Listen very carefully: My body is not something you get to put on for fun and take off again, retreating into your ignorant bliss of thin privilege. My body is not to be worn for mockery. You don't get to do that. My body is not to be your object of shock! It is not to be disparaged. It's taken me YEARS to feel comfortable and strong enough to say that so publicly...to embrace myself...to feel at peace and you don't get to take that away.

My body is not your fucking costume--it's my actual existence. When will people start learning that other folks identities are NOT to be worn?

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Happy Galentine's Day!

[Image text "Happy Galentine's Day, I'm celebrating you, you beautiful tropical fish." From the Smart Girls Facebook page.]

One of the best things that Parks & Recreation ever did was give us Galentine's Day.

If you're not familiar (first of all, start watching this show!) Galentine's Day is one of Leslie Knope's many invented holidays. This one's all about celebrating female friendships and appreciating your lady friends for who they are.

In a world in where girls and women are pushed into seeing each other as competitors for male attention and where internalized misogyny is so strong that women routinely say things like, "This is why I can't have female friends" we need more initiatives like Galentine's Day.

It reminds us that there is so much beauty and comfort to be found in our female friendships.

So when I logged on Facebook this morning and already saw dozens of my friends sharing Galentine's messages I was ecstatic. This thing is really taking off.

Happy Galentine's Day!



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Tis the Season to Feel Like Crap About Your Body...

[Content note: New Year weight loss stuffs]

Fa la la la...Sigh. It doesn't really have the same ring does it?

So it's January. A new year. A fresh start. A new opportunity to feel bad about your weight! YAY!

Here's a lovely pertinent gem I've seen floating around:

[Picture reads "Adverts before Christmas" with a happy woman surrounded by treats and the text, "enjoy yourself!" Below is "After Christmas" with a physical trainer yelling, "You're a sack of sh*t." a dress saying, "fit into me" and other messages like, "stop smoking," "join a gym," and "cereal for dinner."]

When I saw this, my first comment was, "Hm. It's almost like they're always trying to sell us something." Because that's exactly what's happening.

As is obvious if you click around here for two seconds, I'm always a critic of our ever fatphobic culture. But there are a few times a year where the fatphobia hits such a fever pitch, that it's on a whole other level.

And resolution season is the worst. What makes the situation even more troubling is how just a few days prior the message du jour was of INDULGENCE. It's like we're set up for failure, and when you "fail" the $20 billion weight loss industry will be there, ready to pounce. That is, if you believe that success is determined by body size.

Luckily, I don't.

But sometimes it's not that simple. The chorus of "lose weight" gets so loud this time of year, it's nearly inescapable, even for the firmly body positive. If you're not inundated with ads on radio, TV, online, and magazines, then it's your friends on Facebook postings statuses with their weight loss goals or your coworkers bemoaning how the holidays wrecked their bodies. It's all too much! (And before someone chimes in with, "There's nothing wrong with wanting to change your body...as they always do...please note: I'm critiquing cultural pressure/messaging, not anyone's individual choice. There's a big difference between making a personal change and making a personal change and then saying, "I just can't eat like that anymore!" when you're friend grabs a cookie.)

So my challenge to you, should you accept it, is to take a stance this resolution season and shamelessly love your body out loud. Post a status about how you're not buying the weight loss hype. Make body positive comments at the dinner table with your family. Tweet a selfie and praise it. If someone food polices another person, ask them to stop.

Be an ally against the shame this season. There will be far too many people playing the fat negative game...let's build some momentum on the side of positivity.

Related reading:
Rethinking New Year's Resolutions
Examining Resolution Season
Speaking Up Online


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Self Care and Resources for Getting Through the Holidays

[Image text, a little green robot saying, "Annual reminder: The holidays are a tough time for a lot of people. Please check on your friends." Source.]

As I've written numerous times before, I completely understand that the holiday season can be just as rough as it is wonderful. (And often times, more rough than it is wonderful.) So I've gathered some resources that I think are helpful, some written by yours truly.

• Fat shame free holiday gatherings (I wrote 10 tips related to Thanksgiving, but they're actually applicable for holiday gatherings in general.)
• Family Stress and Imperfect Holidays (In which I remind you there's nothing wrong with you if you're not having a perfect holiday season.)
• Rethinking New Year's Resolutions (My fat shame free resolution primer.)
• READ THIS IF YOUR HOLIDAY SUCKS AND YOUR FAMILY STRESSES YOU OUT (from a Tumblr user to everyone who feels this way.)
• The Femisting Guide to Surviving the Holidays (Really comprehensive guide from the Feministing crew.)
• How to deal with your relatives' holiday harassment (Jill Filipovic has some advice on the topic in a video.)
• Talking Turkey: Eight Easy Steps for Discussing Reproductive Health and Justice at the Holiday Table (which I think has some good applications for other sensitive topics too.)
• 5 Ways to Handle a Racist Relative (simple, straightforward starting place.)
• 6 Ways to Survive Food and the Holidays (food and self care at the holidays.)
• Being proactive (instead of reactive, my general life philosophy...which I think can be extra helpful during the holidays.)
• Self care is not selfish (Zerlina Maxwell's run down on self-care for RH Reality Check.)
• Surviving the Holidays as Queer People of Color: Give the Gift of Media (advice from Spectra Speaks.)
• How to Survive and Enjoy the Holidays (Very light, but positive-focused tips.)
• Avoiding Burnout with Authenticity and Boundaries (three concrete tips.)
• How to handle family stress during the holidays (two basic concepts from Stanford and health psychologist Kelly McGonigal.)
• The Radical Self Love blog has an on-going list. 
• 6 Research Backed Tricks that Will Help You Have a Happier Holiday (pretty surface level, but also important.)
• 20 Things to Let Go of Before the New Year.

Above all, please take care of yourself and respect when others need to take care too. Self care looks like different things to each person. For example, a gathering that might sound like a ton of fun to you might be too much for a friend or loved one. It's ok if they don't go. It's not only about setting your own boundaries...it's also respecting others'.

Don't forget to check in on yourself, too. Sometimes we get so caught up in going and going and going that we don't even realize we need a moment of self care. Last week I was reading the last link from the list above in bed. I just randomly happened upon it on Facebook and found it to be pretty obvious stuff. Then I came across #9 "Let go of being the 'go-to person' for everyone, all the time..." I needed to read that. I didn't know I needed to read it until I saw it and let the words wash over me. It had been a rough few days at work and I just let myself sit on that phrase for a few minutes, soaking in the concept, took some deep breaths and felt better just by doing that. The phrase stuck with me for the next few days of work and just by setting the intention to stop being the "go-to person" I had a happier, less stressful time.

Sometimes self care can be as simple as that, but if we don't take second to check in on ourselves, we'll completely miss those needed moments of peace until it's all built up and we are drowning under stress, anxiety, sadness, etc.

We can't change our families and the other people we spend time around over the holidays...but we can set boundaries and try to create spaces and situations that feel safer and happier for us. And when/if that fails, we can love ourselves and show ourselves and others compassion. (And yes, sometimes that means no going places or seeing people, even if we are excepted to.)

As always for this time of year, blogging will be sparse and sporadic until early January. If you celebrate, I hope you have a Merry Christmas. And a safe, healthy, and Happy New Year to everyone.

Take care.

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A Short Love Letter to My Coworkers this Holiday Season

[Content note: Weight stuff]

Dear Coworkers,

I don't know if many of you will ever see this, but please know that I love you. I love you always, but especially this time of year. When there are a million fat shaming messages all around, y'all don't have any of it.

Here's something that has been said in my office before, "I just wear comfortable flowy stuff instead of pants all the time. It allows my body to fluctuate in size more easily."

Here's an actual thing I just heard in the hallway said by someone at one of the other companies in our building while wearing something flowy, "I can't dress like this too much otherwise I'll gain weight and not even notice!"

In so many offices, phrase B would be the norm and it wouldn't even stand out to me. But I work with y'all and that sounded straight up odd and awful.

So thank you. I'm lucky. Happy Holidays!

XOXO,
Me

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Don't Be Part of the Problem this Holiday Season

I feel like several things are hitting a fever pitch surrounding the discussion of fair labor practices here in the US. In addition to the growing momentum to raise the minimum wage, I've also seen a flurry of posts all over social media finally scorning the practice of "Black Friday" starting earlier and earlier...to the point of erasing Thanksgiving time off for retail employees all together. And then there's the vastly circulated story of a Walmart store that was holding a canned food drive for their own employees.

Raise the Minimum Wage!

What better day to discuss how the minimum wage is a feminist issue than Labor Day?

I, like most fairly economically privileged people in the United States, have heard a lot about the current momentum around raising the minimum wage. But also like many others, I have been woefully under informed about it all. I knew that our federal minimum wage is incredibly low and not a living wage, but I'm not sure I knew just how bad it is. 

As the first piece of required reading, might I suggest RaisetheMinimumWage.com. These info graphics also hit at exactly why this is a feminist issue:

Just a cursory glance at these stats show that a minimum wage worker is much more likely to be a 35 year old, full time working mother, than a teen. (I assume there are intersections with other oppressions too.) Another dangerous myth is that if we raise the minimum wage, we'll all be paying so much more at McDonald's and that's just horrible for the economy. So might I suggest this video to debunk that myth. The White House agrees.

It boggles my mind that we have created a market where it is totally accepted that a person's labor at some full time jobs won't pay enough to afford rent. This is an unethical system. 

Something has GOT to give. 

In Defense of Valentine's Day

If I had to sum up my general world view in the least words possible it would be: love more. It's for that basic reason that I just can't join in on the Valentine's hate parade. It's a day designed to focus on love...we need more messages like that, if you ask me. And messages that remind us that love should be a lifestyle, not just a day.

Where things went wrong, however, is when it became about material items and exclusively about romantic love. Those parts bother me, but if you can just focus on the overall, non-relationship-specific LOVE aspect of today, it ain't so bad.

[Photo description: Ann and Leslie from Parks and Rec with a heart around them. Text reads: "You are my most beautiful  talented, brilliant, powerful musk ox."]

So while the flowers, candy, and lovey dovey Facebook statuses can make the best of us nauseous, I just can't be mad today. I mean, I'm the person that typically bakes cupcakes for the whole office, because what says, "Y'all are the best!" better than homemade baked goods? (I skipped that part this year because my office celebrated Galentine's Day yesterday and we're all sugared out. Yes, my office celebrated Galentine's Day. Like I said...they're the best.)

Anyhoo--I hope that you all can look past the sea of pink and red today and focus on the love in your lives be it by appreciating your partner, family, best friend, online community, or even just taking a moment to really, truly love the most important person in your life...you.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Examining Resolution Season

[Content note: body shame, weight loss]

Happy New Year!

And welcome to one of the most triggering times for fat shame and weight loss talk. As our attention turns to resolutions, the overwhelming message we receive at every turn is that we're disgusting. Weight loss product and gym membership ads will be at an all time high. The same culture which just told us to engage in the excesses of the winter holiday season, will now tell us we're ugly, lazy, sacks of fat who need to tone up, trim down, and burn calories, at any cost.

I've written before about New Year's resolutions and how weight loss goals are problematic. I stand by that idea, and it's certainly important to remember, given all of the fat shaming messages we're about to encounter. But the more I think about it, the more I'm beginning to wonder if maybe the whole New Year's resolution thing is a bad idea all together.

Family Stress and Imperfect Holidays

I've seen a number of things floating around Tumblr reminding everyone that being home and with family actually isn't always a great experience for everyone. Like this one. It's an important reminder, especially for those of us who don't have picture perfect situations and can get mired back into old feelings. As I've written about a number of times before, being "home" for me is as stressful as it is happy. It can be very easy to slip into that place where you feel like the angry, hurt 12 year old again.

And that is not a place I want to be.

But society has a way of making us feel like something is wrong with us when we're sad around the holidays. We see that greeting card, the movie, our friends, and we think that we're different or alone.

So to me...and everyone else who has ever been in that place: Don't forget who you really are. Don't forget the progress you've made. Don't forget the things that make you happy. Don't forget that you are strong and beautiful. Don't be hard on yourself when they do get to you. Because they will, and that's not your fault. Be safe. Be happy. Seek comfort where you can.

The holidays can be a wonderful time. They can be full of smiles, warmth, delicious food, hugs, and memories. But they're certainly not all like that. It's just true that they can also be stressful, sad, painful, and rage inducing. And they can be happy one moment and horrible the next. And there's nothing wrong with you if it's all a tough time.

Don't forget that.

Mindful Giving at the Holidays

I am a philanthropist (and a philogynist! :) I not only work in the nonprofit sector; I also regularly give what I can to a few select nonprofits and I volunteer my time to others. I think there is little more important than remembering to contribute back to your community whenever you are able.

In addition to believing in philanthropy in general, I also believe that it is critical that people be truly mindful about their giving choices. It is not enough to simply give...we, as feminists and progressives, have a duty to give to organizations and charities which support our core values.

That's why I'm asking that you not donate to The Salvation Army this winter.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Here is a very short list of stuff I'm extremely thankful for...

• A job that lets me exercise my basic belief that girls matter. 
• An online community of supportive feminists who educate me daily.
• Hilarious, compassionate friends.
• A city full of fun, vibrant activities.
• Family--that's a complicated one for me, but I am thankful for them. Especially my in-laws, who have embraced me as their own.
• The ability and means to express myself through writing.
• My kitten babies. 
• The ability to exercise my right to vote (something my great grandmother couldn't do!)
• Excellent feminist books this year from writers like Jessica Valenti and Lesley Kinzel.
• Gabby Douglas' smile and her talent reigniting my excitement for Olympic gymnastics.
• A second Obama term.
• OPI nail polish bringing color into my life daily.
• And most of all, a supportive, loving partner who brings so much creativity and laughter into my life. 

I hope you all have a lovely holiday!

10 Steps to a Fat Shame Free Thanksgiving

[Content note: fat shame, body/food policing]

Hello, hello. As you probably know, Thursday is Thanksgiving here in the US. The good news is that it's a time to enjoy seeing friends and family and be reflective about all the wonderful things you have in your life. The bad news is that it's riddled with myths, it kicks off the most consumerist time of the year, and it involves a whole lot o' fat shaming and food policing.

It can be really hard for those of us who are fat positive and body accepting to get through this time. If you need a little help, check out this guide to surviving the holidays in a fat shaming environment. And for the fat shamers themselves, here are 10 quick and easy steps to being a good person at your turkey day this week (and any other time, really.)

Slut Shaming and Halloween Sexism

I will be the first to tell you that we have a problem with sexist Halloween costumes.

I'll also be the first to tell you that we're have a slut shaming problem, in a general kind of way.

I got to thinking about these two things today when I was scrolling through the "sexism" tags on Tumblr and I came across a couple of blogs exploring the gender divide between costumes. Here's a great example:

[Photo of a man and woman dressed in "Wild West" style costumes." The woman is in a cowgirl costume with a tiny hat, short shorts, and a front tying tiny shirt. The man is wearing a long brown coat, jeans, holster, bandanna, and full size hat.]

Also on the sexism tag were plenty of people talking about how prevalent slut shaming is in our world.

So here's the statement I tweeted earlier today, "Important/tricky balance: Acknowledging that Halloween costume makers are utilizing sexism but not slut shaming women who buy said costumes." A friend tweeted me back that he'd like to see that as a blog...in other words, what am I really getting at?

What I'm Reading

Here are a few things I am currently enjoying...

Today is Columbus Day...a day which has a pretty disturbing past, such that I'm not sure why anyone would "celebrate" it. Mark Anthony Rolo has a piece up about what today really means.

"We should have been wiped out," she says. "It's a miracle Native people still exist. I have never liked the word 'conquered.' We are still here after 500 years. And maybe every time Columbus Day comes around, we should rethink who the real heroes are: the explorer or the survivors?"

Every time "Half the Sky" gets held up as the greatest thing, I've had a nagging doubt in my mind. That doubt was just perfectly articulated by Sayantani DasGupta at Racialicious:

...I often ask my students to evaluate a text’s ethical stance by asking themselves –"whose story is it?" For example, are people of color acting or being acted upon? Although the film does highlight fantastic on-the-ground activists such as maternal health activist Edna Adan of Somaliland, the point of entry, the people with whom we, the (presumably) Western watchers, are supposed to identify, are Kristof and his actress sidekick-du-jour.

This is a bit older (in Internet years) but if you're interested in fat activism or body positivity at all, I highly suggest you add Fat Heffalump to your Google reader. Last month she tackled myths about fat bodies:

2. Having a fat body is like carrying around a 2o/50/100/whatever lb/kg sack of potatoes/dirt/lard whatever.

Wait, the average adult skeletal structure weighs about 20lbs right? So is having a skeleton like carrying around a 2olb weight?No it’s not. Fat bodies are not attached to us, like some kind of extra luggage – they ARE us. Our whole bodies hold ourselves up – bones, muscle, organs, skin, fat, everything – it’s all part of a complex machine that propels us around our lives. If you hand me 50lbs, I’m going to feel it’s weight, because it is not part of me. But 50lbs of my own body weight (or whatever number you choose) is part of me, and it has it’s own function in my body. The only time I’ve felt like I’m carrying a burden is when I believed I was worthless because I was fat. That wasn’t the physical weight of my body, it was the weight of stigma.