I've hit the big time! And a quick note on being passive aggressive

After over 5 years of blogging here, I am pleased to announce that I have arrived. Today, I woke up to this glorious email...

Good news! On Aug 21, 2015, we sent you a payment for your Google AdSense earnings. 

I've done it. I've arrived. Hitting that sweet, sweet payment threshold is a game changer. As of today, I am $100.33 richer.

I want to thank all of you who made this possible. Everyone who has ever visited here...with a special thanks to those of you who accidentally clicked on one of my Google AdSense ads and the anti-feminists who posted my blog to many, many hate mongering subreddits giving me a boost in page views. You've all helped me earn a part of this $100.33. I couldn't have done it without.

I'll try not to change. I'll try to stay the person I've always been and remember my humble roots as I ascend to super stardom.

Ok, enough sarcasm. As much as knowing that my work here has averaged out to about 15 cents a post stings, it was a happy surprise to get that email.

On to a totally unrelated topic. Last week, I saw this post going around Tumblr, and I just want to comment on it briefly:

My boyfriend came home to our tiny apartment at 1 AM on a weeknight with 4 of his obnoxious, drunken friends in tow. He knew I had to work the next day, he knew I absolutely hated those particular friends, and he knew I hate surprise guests. So I just went in the bedroom and tried to sleep, unsuccessfully. This guy is a massively neurotic neat freak- he is physically unable to relax in a room that is not clean to his standards. So after he finally passed out, I went into the kitchen and poured maple syrup all over the floor and told him one of his idiot friends did it. He just about had a panic attack. It took him hours to get rid of the sticky. Those friends were never invited back.

I know this is supposed to be a funny post and omg how hilarious that she solved her problem this way (if it's true) but let me just add: NO.

I literally can't think of a way to more passively aggressively treat your partner. This is how manipulative, toxic relationships operate. So before you give a chuckle and shrug it off, might I suggest that you leave this behavior as (hopefully) fake LOLz on the internet and NOT actual behavior in your relationship?

Cool? Cool.

Now let me go make it rain with all my Washingtons. Happy Friday, y'all.


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Beyonce's Feminism

Assuming you haven't been living under a rock, then you are aware that Beyonce is our queen on top of the world. She defied every conventional wisdom about how one is "supposed to" release an album and surprised us with her 5th release last week...truly out of nowhere.

I was delighted at the news and purchased it as soon as I could...listening to it all day Friday at work while I was processing a mailing. (Big thank you to Queen Bey for putting that album out when I had what would have been an otherwise boring day before me.)

If I were to summarize album in a few words, I'd choose catchy, beautiful, and feminist as hell.

Don't Be Part of the Problem this Holiday Season

I feel like several things are hitting a fever pitch surrounding the discussion of fair labor practices here in the US. In addition to the growing momentum to raise the minimum wage, I've also seen a flurry of posts all over social media finally scorning the practice of "Black Friday" starting earlier and earlier...to the point of erasing Thanksgiving time off for retail employees all together. And then there's the vastly circulated story of a Walmart store that was holding a canned food drive for their own employees.

Intern Fair Wages and Grassroots Nonprofits

I've been thinking a lot lately about my field and the over use of unpaid internships.

I'm so divided.

Let me back up. As a feminist, I believe that people have a right to a fair, living wage for their work. I'm appalled by income disparity. I'm appalled when I think about the fact that some people's 40 hour week of work is so greatly devalued that they can't even afford rent in their area. I'm appalled by the fact that unpaid internships are routinely abused. (And let's not forget certain legal protections are denied to unpaid interns.)

I see this abuse as particularly egregious when used by very large and wealthy nonprofit organization or for profit enterprises, where there is truly no excuse not to pay any staff.

#GiveToWendy!

I am excited to participate in today's #GiveToWendy Blog Money Bomb which is hoping to raise campaign funds for Wendy Davis in the Texas Governor's race.

I wanted to share a little bit about why I support Wendy Davis, and why I have personally pledged a monthly gift to her campaign.

As I'm sure you all know, this past summer was a very tough one for feminists and anyone who believes in access to reproductive services in Texas. I, along with Texans from all over the state, rallied to try to fight back against the extremist views which have taken over our local politics, and threatened access to abortion. As the process during the special session wore on, so many Democratic legislators who were stepping up and vocally denouncing the anti-abortion omnibus bill. And as is well known, Davis became the leader and face of the movement because she stood, for 13 hours with no breaks, food, or water, sharing the dangers of the legislation and the very personal, touching stories of the state's citizens. Because of her filibuster the legislation was stopped, temporarily. It was an amazing moment with an amazing leader.

Wendy's candidacy is so important and one that I endorse, for many more reasons. She is an extraordinary leader and has gone to bat for other the underrepresented on other issues, including education. And as she shared on the senate floor with so much emotion in her voice, she knows, first hand, what it's like to pray that you have enough money just to put gas in your car and make it to and from work for the week.

While we're talking about money, I'd like to reiterate, how important funding is in a campaign. I recently had the pleasure of listening to State Representative Donna Howard and my state Senator, Kirk Watson, talk about their experiences this past session. They shared that Davis' candidacy is incredibly important for two reasons 1) the Republican reign of total power in the state of Texas is unacceptable and we need change and 2) Davis' has the name recognition to stand a chance during this governor's race. That's huge.

But without contributions from people like you and I, that dream of a Democrat governor in this fine state will die on the vine. If you are financially able, please make a donation to Davis' campaign and consider making it each month during her candidacy. I know that money is tight for many people, so it is also important that we spread the word and educate others about Davis and ensure that everyone you know is both registered to vote and shows up to the polls. 

In the meantime, I want reiterate, it is critical that those of us who believe in her, #GiveToWendy. In a state with a population of 26 million people, the politics of Texas has a huge impact on a lot of people. We need that impact to be more positive, supporting, and empowering. A Davis administration would be a definitive step in the right direction.

Please give!

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The $849,000 Disadvantage for Being Female

I receive a surprising number of requests to share info graphics...but this one caught my eye and I couldn't help but post it. BIG SIGH.

Attribution to BrainTrack.com 



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GTFO, Tucker Max

I recently learned that known asshole, scumbag, and misogynist, Tucker Max lives in my lovely city of Austin, Texas. A piece of my soul died.

If you'd like evidence of why I think he's so horrible, you can follow what Jill at Feministe is covering about his attempt to donate $500,000 to Planned Parenthood here in Texas, which was rejected by the organization, here and here.

Call Me the Grinch

Me, as the Grinch, obviously

So, there has been a lot of buzz about a trend this year. Anonymous people are paying off other customers' layaway bills. All the stories I see about this topic are very positive, as they should be, I suppose. The stories are calling the payers "layaway angels" and writing at length about these do-gooders making "Christmas miracles." One woman, who had her layaway bill paid even said, “God opened up the windows of heaven and poured a blessing on me.”

Hm.

Everywhere I see these stories linked, on various forums and Facebook, people are saying the stories have made them cry, warmed their hearts, and inspired them to do something nice for another person. And that's great. I'm happy that people are inspired by these stories, but frankly, I'm not that moved by the actual acts themselves.

Layaway programs are typically used this time of year for holding gifts that you can't afford by paying them off in small increments until they are paid in full, ideally by Christmas. Call me the Grinch, I just can't get on board with thinking that paying off someone's layaway bill is the greatest way to help another person. In fact, I don't even see it as amongst the top 5 things money should go to.  Layaway programs don't help victims of a natural disasters or domestic violence. They don't educate children, cure cancer, or provide food and clean water to people who go without.

They provide materials items, most frequently those which are unnecessary. And the money ultimately goes to big businesses, like Wal*Mart. I mean, if you want to do something of this nature, comparable nonprofit programs which help give gifts to needy children seem much less frivolous than paying off someone's layaway bill.

Really, I am happy that people are giving to one another. And I'm glad that this positive story has been highlighted by the media, which too frequently focuses on death and destruction. However, the focus does seem to be on consumerism, which, as I've argued before, is far too prevalent this time of year. My advice is that if you feel moved by the "layaway angels" stories, you check out some of the nonprofits in your community and give a gift which will have an impact beyond a present which will end up under a Christmas tree.

Buy, Buy: Confessions of a Consumerist

This post is a part of my “Out of the Kitchen” weekly column at The Progressive Playbook in which various news and pop culture items will be examined through a feminist lens.


It is the time of year. The weather's cooler.  Bright colored lights fill our windows and there's a certain energy in the air. It can only mean one thing. The Christmas shopping season is upon us.

Maybe it's because Black Friday and Cyber Monday have just passed, or maybe it's because I'm moving so the fact that I own way too much is very relevant to me right now. In either case, I've been reflecting upon my own issues with consumerism. I've written before about how I feel that our society pushes consumption, not only of food, but also all goods. The worst of this mentality is highlighted during the Christmas season. It is inescapable, whether you celebrate Christmas or not. Messages affirming the importance of material goods are everywhere: You NEED this deal! Your love is displayed through the giving of items. Buy, buy, buy.

The results are pretty heinous, year after year. Because of mad rushes at store openings, people were injured and trampled. A woman out for a half price XBOX 360 turned a can of pepper spray on her fellow shoppers. It is downright disgusting and it's very easy to become an armchair sociologist in situations like this. I'm better than that. I could never act that way. Those people are "crazy." I'll admit, these very thoughts go through my mind every Black Friday when I hear that shoppers get up earlier and earlier or sit outside during Thanksgiving day. I muse to myself about how I have never wanted anything that bad.

It really is very simple to point to the Black Friday shoppers as the "problem" with our consumerist mentality. However, a much more productive act is to examine how each of us, ourselves, play a role in this system.

In this spirit, I've been considering lately how I personally have an unhealthy relationship with things, shopping, and appearances. This relationship, as many things from our lives, hearkens back to my childhood. My grandmother, the most important adult figure in my upbringing, and I bonded over many a shopping trip. She was very firm that I always  "look my best." She taught me how to apply makeup, do my hair, and pick outfits that matched. I have so many warm fuzzies associated with shopping and her. It was so frequently a respite from a less happy home life with my nuclear family.

But that wasn't all she was to me, so it's difficult to extract the many wonderful, empowering messages from the ones which are potentially negative and sexist. While she did think I should always be able to take care of myself and that I could be anything I wanted , she was also, at her core, a product of a time before the second wave. She fully believed that she couldn't leave with house without makeup (for example.)

The result on me has been that I engage in "retail therapy" out of both habit and a semi-subconscious effort to feel close to my grandmother again. I buy things I don't need and now own more shoes, clothes, nail polishes, and other frivolous items than any woman could possibly ever consume. The items themselves are not the problem. (I have been known to advocate for "girliness.") The issue is how very much of them I feel that I need. My disposable income is too often stretched thin in the name of the consumerist mentality.

For my own good, I must work on these behaviors. The solution for me is to find the same warm fuzzies from other sources and to be more mindful about the purchases I make. It sounds so simple, but just as systemic changes for our society, it is much easier said than done. However, if all of us who play a role in our consumerist culture take a moment to introspect and be more thoughtful about how and why we spend money, things will probably be a lot less violent on Black Friday. It would become extremely clear that when someone gets knocked down during a shopping rush, you don't walk over them. You help them up. And if it means that you miss out on a $90 TV, but a fellow human being gets to live another day, you've done the right thing.

A Feminist's Guide to Working in the Nonprofit Sector

Why hello, June!

I am here to get this month rolling! First here are a couple of fun bits of info:

1) It's Pride Month!
2) Sorry, Indiana. Your law sucks!
3) I've decided to start a list of what I'm calling "A Feminist's Guide to Working in the Nonprofit Sector" from my experience of studying and working in nonprofits. Truth be told, many of the observations are probably applicable to everyone, but since this is a feminist blog and I view the world through a feminist lens, I'm calling it a feminist's guide. Deal. Here's what I have so far:

• Get use to wage depression: I mean, come on. They're called "nonprofits" for crying out loud. You don't go into them to make bank. However, as a feminist in the nonprofit sector, I am also able to realize that my field has low wages for a multitude of reasons, many of them including sexism. In other words, when a career is associated with feminine traits (like helping others), it is compensated much lower than other fields. There's the prototypical example of teachers. Nonprofit workers are the same. So while I can sit back and objectively say that my hard work is as valuable to our society as, say, an electrician, I'm going to have to suffer crap pay. And there's not a whole lot to do about it. Nonprofits are funded by the generosity of supporters, be they corporations, foundations, individuals, or governments. Often, funding is uncertain year to year, so you don't get the chance to ask for many raises. Any training you've had in negotiation is relatively wasted. It's just not possible when most nonprofits are simply concerned with staying afloat. Which brings me to my second point...
  
  
• You'll probably feel like a suck up: Your very job depends on other people opening their wallets. And unlike the for profit sector, the item you offer them in exchange is very intangible. So you find yourself apologizing for things that aren't your mistake and continuously thanking people. Continuously. It gets exhausting, but that's one of the rules of the game. There's no room for cut throatedness in this sector. So get used to be very, very gracious. Practice saying "thank you" a hundred times a day. In every email. In every interaction. Thank you. Many thanks. Much appreciation. With gratitude. Thanks a million.
  
  
• You will make an impact, but you very rarely will see it directly: This can be very difficult for those of us who are results oriented. When you work in nonprofits aimed at the empowerment of women and girls (like I do) you can't expect to see a young woman change her entire viewpoint from participating in one workshop or one summer camp. It takes a shift in your expectations; one which helps you understand that you are merely planting the seeds of change that will hopefully take root as the years pass.
  
  
• Your hard work will be belittled: This goes hand in hand with the pay thing. Despite the fact that nonprofits are everywhere around us, they are vastly misunderstood. The organizations I have worked for seek to give girls very practical skills and/or impact their world view. They have the goals of producing socially conscious, informed, confident women. However when I'm talking to your layperson, I often hear "Oh, so do you all offer dance classes?" or "So you probably do a lot of crafts then." Now, I've got nothing against dance or crafts. They're both great. But when I'm neck deep in creating a curriculum designed to help girls understand how to get help for a friend who's in an abusive relationship, I can't help but roll my eyes at these questions. People seem to hear "working with girls" as "doing really stereotypically girly things." Which, of course, is exactly the opposite of what I do. Which leads seamlessly to...
  
  
• Either figure out a short hand for what it is exactly that you do at your particular nonprofit, or just get used to people misunderstanding it: Had I prepared an elevator speech going into my jobs, I could have saved a lot of annoyance.
  
  
• You will discuss everything. To death. Twice. And then again: One of the benefits of the nonprofit sector is that there are a lot more women in director/executive positions. The sector allows women to advance and grow professionally, so there are tons of opportunities for female leaders. Also, the nonprofits I have been a part of are a lot more flat and less hierarchical. They rely upon group input. I feel this also leads to a lot of discussion. Like a lot. Now, far be it from me to rely on stereotypes...I don't think that women are annoying talk-a-lots. I realize that not ALL women are naturally more discussion oriented. Regardless, discussions tend to be much longer and much more detailed than I've encountered in the other settings. This is both good and bad. On one side, you feel heard. You get a chance to share your thoughts and your supervisor isn't making unilateral decisions to the detriment of the organization. On the other hand, it can take a REALLY long time to come to any conclusions and oftentimes things feel unproductive for those of us who are concrete sequentials. Just prepare for that.
  
  
• Surround yourself with people who motivate you to keep going: Every setting has a negative Nancy, and the nonprofit sector is no different. However, I've had the good fortune to find coworkers who truly care about me and the mission, and who keep me grounded and excited. I hope that the nonprofit sector continues to have so many women who fit this description, because I've found them to be the heart and soul of each organization, without whom there would be failure. Bond with the people who can be this support to you. You need each other, because the job's not going to provide you with incentives like high pay or low stress. Besides, there's something really beautiful about women working together for a shared purpose.
  
  
• Ask for help: This is a lesson that flies in the face of what we, the modern woman, are told. We're supposed to be smart, strong, confident, and capable. However, the truth is that we all find ourselves stepping in shit every now and then. Good nonprofits have many of the qualities I've already described: they allow women to advance (so you should be able to find helpful mentors) and they have a support system. Use these things to your benefit and when you need help, seek it out.
  
  
• Take time to recognize the victories: Like I said, it can be hard to go into work at a nonprofit and think, "I accomplished THIS today and I feel great." It's not like Dunder Mifflin where Dwight can say, "I sold 1,000 reams of paper!" Because things are much more intangible, YOU have to make the choice to pause and recognize what you've accomplished. No one is going to do this for you. You've got to allow yourself the time to reflect and brag a little (at least to the people who don't mind you doing so, like partners and best friends, for example.) It's really, really important to do this because otherwise the overworked and underpaid nature of it will eat you alive. You've got to remember why it's worth it.

So now that I've laid that all out there, I can come back and remember it because these pieces of advice and things to remember are something I need on a regular basis. And it begs the question, to those of you who have also worked (interned, or studied) in this sector, what would YOU add?

The Very Definition of Entitlement

Remember when I said nothing had moved me to write in a while? Problem solved! I'm in a rage right now. So much so that I need to just blog it out. My panties are in quite the bunch.

When many people think of "entitlement" they think of this buzzword "entitlement programs" that is floating around in regards to budget cuts. They think of poor people accessing government programs.

I want to offer you a real life example of entitlement, which much more fits in with this lovely Wikipedia definition (as Wikipedia is the source of all good information, naturally):

"In a casual sense, the term "entitlement" refers to a notion or belief that one (or oneself) is deserving of some particular reward or benefit."

A youth serving organization I am familiar with runs a summer camp. This summer camp, as a nonprofit, has scholarships available for people who really, really need them. LIMITED scholarships that their development department works hard to fundraise for. The typical family who applies for these scholarships has an annual income of $5-15,000 per person annually.

But wait! That's not all! The "full price" cost of camp is very, very, very low. In fact, it works out to be approximately $2.50 per hour of care--and this care is not babysitting. It utilizes intensive, detailed curriculum on truly life enriching topics led by qualified staff people. The true cost of the camp for the organization is actually about $12.50 an hour per child.

Ok, you with me? We're talking about an extremely affordable camp. But as we know, if you are grossing $10,000 per person in your household a year, you don't have $100 a week for a summer camp. So this is where those scholarships come in.

By now I'm sure you're wondering, "Where is this definition of entitlement of which you speak?" Don't worry, I'm getting to it...

Recently, there was a request to be considered for a scholarship from a family that grosses $135,000.
UMEXCUSEMEWHATNOAREYOUSERIOUS

Let's take a look at that---this is about $115,000 MORE a year than the average single mom, single child family who requests a scholarship. This family makes a little over $11,000 a month, which is more than the other families are existing on per person each year.

I just...I don't even...I can't...

This is what I think of when I hear the word "entitlement." This is thinking you are deserving of a special benefit. Requesting help with basics (food, healthcare, child care) when you cannot afford them is not entitlement. Requesting help with basics when you EASILY can afford them IS entitlement. This example here stems from a total lack of perspective.

In case my description of the typical scholarship recipient didn't give enough perspective on this situation, let me contribute some more:

• The salary of the average full time, highly qualified youth development worker at an organization like this makes about $100,000-$105,000 LESS a year than this family.

• The pay rate for the seasonal and part time staff (who hold bachelors degrees and have extensive youth work experience) is $12-14 an hour. This family makes in the range of $66 an hour.

• The federal poverty limit for a family of EIGHT is $37,620. In order to be considered "impoverished" by the federal government, a family making $135,000 a year would need to consist of 33 members.

• Their annual income is roughly the cost needed to run the entire summer camp.

• They are in the top 5th percentile of incomes in the US.

No. NO. NO. NO.

You don't get to ask for help when you make this kind of money. I'm sorry--I don't know the particular circumstances of their lives, but trust me, I can say that they haven't faced some catastrophe and they don't have 33 people who are supported by them. If they can't pay $100 a week for a full time summer camp, then they need to do some serious budgeting. They do NOT need a scholarship. They do not need any financial assistance, they just need financial planning. The people in this income bracket should be giving back, not taking.

No.

I Get Money

You know what's frustrating? Being a hard working woman who is the breadwinner of the house and having it CONSTANTLY assumed that when I'm out with my male partner, he is the one paying.

I'm not kidding, it's constant. We eat at a sit down restaurant, the server, without fail, comes with the check and puts it down by him, saying, "When you're ready..." Or, when we go to the movies and order tickets and *I* hand them my credit card to pay and they hand it back to him, waiting on him to sign.

I mean REALLY?!?!??! After we've established that I'm the one paying, their ingrained bias is still so strong that they insist he sign for my credit card? And this hasn't happened once or twice or even three times...it's probably happened well over 10 times.

And then there are the comments that people make. Oh, haha...it's sooooOOOooo funny that I pay for things. I *must* be a battle ax...he *must* be an emasculated, worthless POS because his partner makes some cash.

In the wide scheme of things, I understand that this is one of the very smallest biases facing people and amounts to not much more than a periodic annoyance, but LORD if it doesn't highlight how deeply ingrained concepts of women and money and what it means to be a "man" are in our society. Why are people so uncomfortable with an independent woman? Is it because she might actually have the freedom to think her own thoughts and realize that patriarchy sucks? Why are people so uncomfortable with a man who isn't threatened by a powerful woman? Is it because he's not playing his rightful role in the patriarchy?

Motherhood and Privilege: A True Case of Intersections

One thing I have learned about the feminist blogosphere with absolute certainty is that when you bring up the issue of whether or not there should be child free spaces, it's sparks a shit storm. Maia, a guest blogger, recently rehashed this discussion over at Feministe (the last place I witnessed this particular shit storm). Her basic thesis was "you do not have a right to child free spaces," which, I'm sure, you can imagine set a lot of people off. Last I checked, the comments were up to almost 700. A shit storm, for sure.

I don't really care to go deep into the discussion about the feminism of child free spaces. I will state that I, like many, was rubbed the wrong way by Maia's post, but I tried to understand where she was coming from. And for those of you unfamiliar with the debate, I'll summarize the conflicting sides:

1) Children are people too. They deserve to be in public. That is where they can learn appropriate behavior. However, kids are kids, and so they're going to behave inappropriately time to time. Because our society still places the responsibility of child rearing disproportionately on women, to restrict children from public spaces is to essentially restrict women from those same spaces. It is not always reasonable that single parents can afford childcare or a babysitter, but they should not be restricted to their homes because of this.

VS.

2) Adults have the right to adult-only spaces that are free from the behavior challenges of other people's children. Of course, some public places are kid friendly and any person entering them should reasonably expect to interact with children, but that is why adult-only public spaces should be respected. Childfree people* have the right to enjoy childfree environments, where it is logical (like bars, upscale restaurants, and their own homes when inviting guests.)

So with this as the background, what I really want to discuss is how privilege and motherhood interact. What I have seen emerge in the comments (which I fizzled out on reading inevitably...) is both sides accusing the other of privilege.

Motherhood as privilege: Childfree people assert that there is an inherent privilege in having children. The default position of our society is to "settle down and have kids." When you get to a certain age and meet new people, one of the inevitable questions is, "Do you have kids?" From this perspective, the privilege comes from being a mother because society promotes motherhood as what "good" women do. Because motherhood is seen as a the ultimate role a woman can take, there is inherent privilege. Childfree people are positioned as the other; outliers in the social structure that caters to families which include children.

VS.

Childfree as privilege: The other side asserts that the privilege is in not having children. The idea is that our society doesn't support women in parenting, especially single mothers. Instead of affordable childcare, living wages, and accommodations in the workplace, women with children face a number of financial and societal barriers, making those who are childfree the privileged in their workplaces and social circles.

Both sides are pretty compelling, right? The way I see it, neither is actually right or wrong. Instead, there are so many more factors to consider, because as every feminist situation, there are numerous intersections. I'm going to just address a few.

First, there is the issue of money. High income mothers obviously experience privilege. They are able to fit the expectation of being the "ultimate woman" by having children. And yet, they don't face any of the aforementioned challenges (like affordable childcare.) Additionally, for many low income mothers, there was never an option to be childfree, be it because of lack of access to contraceptive methods or information about sexual reproduction, or even because of coerced or forced pregnancies. Also, being childfree interacts with income. As mentioned above, it is much easier to be childfree if you have access to money and education.

Other factors also interact with motherhood to compound various privileges. For example, women of color are much less likely to be privileged by being mothers. There are so many racist stereotypes surrounding the black "welfare queen" that I can safely say African American mothers are not regarded as favorably as white mothers by American culture. Imagine what people would say, for example, if Michelle Duggar was black. And don't get me started on this new terms of "anchor babies." If that term doesn't highlight the racism, fear mongering, and scorn associated with Latina mothers, I don't know what would.

My point is that in the case of motherhood, as with so many things, you can't sit back and blanketedly say "being a mother gives you privilege." There is so much more at play, and no two person's experiences are identical. I, as a married, middle-class, hetero/cis white woman might feel a societal pressure to conform to having a traditional family which includes children. But that doesn't mean that all mothers are privileged.

It'd go a long way for us all to remember that our own frame of reference isn't the rule for everyone.

*I use the term childfree in this blog to connote a certain lifestyle choice, not people who just do not have kids currently. I do not identify as childfree although I currently don't have kids because I see them in my future, and I respect that this is not what the childfree lifestyle is about.