Anti marriage equality folks are a' floundering

Have you ever seen someone more sadly cling to something than the folks who are against marriage equality in 2015? It's beyond embarrassing.

I, like most people, assume that nationwide marriage equality will be and SHOULD be achieved soon. There's just no logical argument against it...certainly not from a constitutional perspective. But, nevertheless, as conservatives are apt to do, some sad, floundering anti marriage equality folks try their damnedest to make a case.

The one I heard last week on NPR's On Point (and have heard before) was the whole, "WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?!" side to it where an ultra conservative argued that marriage should be reserved for heterosexual couples because they produce kids...and the state sanctioned marriage as a special thing for people who produce kids...and the government has an interest in ensuring that children are parented by their biological mother and father.

Yeah.

So many things wrong here, all of which highlight the ways that the anti marriage equality side is so ridiculously out of touch with reality that it's laughable. Let me touch on the biggest issues I see right off the bat...

1) So are they lobbying for heterosexual couples who can't or don't want to have kids to lose marriage rights? Of course they're not.

2) Um, all kinds of homosexual couples actually ARE parenting together...everywhere, all the time. Like it or not, lady.

3) Being someone's biological parent does NOT automatically make you the best person to raise children. As the many of us who survived abuse know. Also...something tells me these people would actually be just fine with a "nice, straight, white Christian couple" adopting....

3) There are SO many queer couples who can reproduce. I love this photo set from Tumblr that demonstrates as much. Not only are these anti marriage equality people showing how homophobic they are, they're also incredibly transphobic/exclusionary and have very little grasp of the basic concept of gender diversity...which isn't surprising but sure is fucked up nevertheless.

[Image text: Two women cartoon figures. One is saying, "I am a lesbian trans woman." The other, "I am a pansexual cis woman." With the caption, "We are a queer couple able to reproduce.]

I recognize that marriage equality shouldn't necessarily be the main focus of LGBT+ discourse (especially when so many trans youth are homeless and face violence, for example.) But since it has  reached a fever pitch in national politics anyway, we can at least all agree that anti marriage equality folks are bananas. Sad, strange bananas.



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Faking It...Emphasis on the FAKE

So I caught MTV's new scripted show, Faking It. I was watching Awkward (yes, I still watch it even though it has devolved some since I wrote about it...) and the lead-in caught my attention because it's supposed to take place in Austin (it's the most LA looking Austin I've ever seen, but I digress.)

Here's the premise, from the Wikipedia page:

After numerous attempts of trying to be popular two best friends decide to come out as lesbians, which launches them to instant celebrity status. Seduced by their newfound fame, Karma and Amy decide to keep up their romantic ruse.

Hm. Ok.

Let me just dig in on a few immediate reactions I had to what I saw...

Seeking Consent Isn't a Mood Killer

[Content note: discussions of sexual consent, rape culture]

In my numerous complaints about how busy/chaotic my life is lately, I believed I mentioned that I'm buying a house. Well now it has been bought! We closed today and we move on Thursday and it is wonderful and great and exhausting and terrifying. That's one of many reasons I've been writing (and reading!) much less lately. What I do write isn't super detailed or quality. I feel bad about that, but I'm also trying not to beat myself up about it. Self care and all that.

Anyhoo one of the things I did catch recently was this great list of "16 ways to talk about consent." I was pretty psyched when it came across my Tumblr dashboard. Here's a few:

1. "Do you like when I...?"
2. "I like when you..."
3. "Will you...?"
4. "How does this feel?"
5. "Do you want me to...?"
6. "Do you want to...?"

It's not bad to think boobs are sexy

This might be an unpopular post, but I'm willing to take the risk.

I've noticed an opinion trend that has been on my nerves. I usually see it when I am perusing the "sexism" tag on Tumblr, but it's been around other places too. Someone will go off on a long rant about how breasts have nothing to do with sex, they're just "sacks of fat" (<--very popular phrase in these rants) whose only purpose is to nourish babies. This argument is usually in response to a man who has oversexualized a woman's body and made a big deal someone revealing their breasts.

Now, there are aspects that I agree with about this train of thought...but there are some things that I just can't get on board with. Let me walk through a few.

Sometimes I Feel Really Bad for Catfish

[Content note: light mentions of thin, cis, and straight privilege]

[Image text: promotional photo of Nev Schulman and his co-star/friend Max Joseph]

When I went to a movie theater in 2010 to see the movie Catfish, I thought I was seeing a creepy or horror-ish flick. I was epically disappointed when what I actually saw was the story of a guy, Nev Schulman, meeting a girl he fell in love with online and she turns out to be nothing like depicted. If I hadn't somehow misunderstood what I was going to see due to suspect marketing, I might have actually liked the thing. I know this because now that Schulman has his own show by the same name, where he helps people find out if they're being catfished, I am fascinated...

That is, until it also gets really sad.

Slut Shaming vs. Cultural Critique

[Content note: Discussions of rape culture and slut shaming]

I have stayed intentionally silent on the whole Robin Thicke Blurred Lines nonsense because it's one of the few artifacts of rape culture that, I think, has actually received the proper backlash it deserves. But someone recently passed this article my way, in which a self described feminist defends the song and says that its detractors are essentially slut shaming...and goes as far as to say that the song is more feminist than the critique it has received.

Sigh.

Three Dangerous Mythical Creatures

Please forgive the Buzzfeed-ish structure of this post, but I've been thinking about some some various concepts lately, and I realized the connection they all share...they're totally made up, and yet most people believe in them, often to the detriment of other people.

Let's take a deeper look...

A Few Thoughts and Links on Orange is the New Black

[Image text: the Orange is the New Black cast]

Ok, I'll be honest...my favorite new show of the year is by far Orange is the New Black and I feel remiss not mentioning that at all. Like so many other people this summer, I consumed the series in two days and was left wanting more. Here's something that nicely summarizes all my recent interactions with donors and board members at work:

[Image description comic of two people talking. Person 1 "How's your summer been?" Person 2 "Great! I've been traveling Europe all month and now I'm back to work. You?" Person 1 "Have..have you seen Orange is the New Black?"]

I haven't written about the show yet because while it deals with so many feminist relevant topics, I feel under qualified to speak about many of them at length (race, queerness, and the prison system, specifically). All I know is that I was so thoroughly pulled in by the show because of the ensemble--the sheer diversity of women (many you never see on TV,) the experiences displayed, and the relationships explored. And it's so damn delightfully woman-centric, created, written, and starring.

Honestly--I could take or leave Piper (the main character.)  I can see how she pushes the story line forward and serves as the character we're supposed to relate to (because she so unexpectedly found herself in prison and I guess we're all supposed to feel like that could be us...?) but it's much more the women around her who have pulled me in and kept me chain watching it all. It has that beautifully perfect mixture of comedy and drama that basically intoxicated me into a delightful trance.

Is it clear that I love it?

Overall, I know the show is not perfect. But it certainly is doing things that are rare and wonderful and at the very least starts some good, feminist discussions. So in that way, I heartily recommend it to anyone who wants an enjoyable and though provoking new series to dig into. I wanted to do some reading about what others are saying about the show and here are some pieces that I find interesting (although I don't co-sign everything written:)

Why ‘Orange Is the New Black’ Is So Addictive 

An In-Depth Look at How "Orange Is the New Black" Compares to Real Life

Prison Bitch is the New Black

New Netflix Show "Orange is the New Black" is a Complex Look at Sex, Gender, and Prison

“Orange Is The New Black”: Taking Privilege to Task

Q&A: Jenji Kohan on nudity, racism and homosexuality in Orange is the New Black



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Hook(ed) Up

This is a guest post by Mackenzie Busch, who blogs regularly at Fetus Frolic, where this piece originally appeared and was published with permission

I am old enough to remember a time when you had to call or meet someone in person to talk to them, even though technically I wasn’t dating until the “messenger” technology was the preferred mode of communication. While most of our communication is done via social media now, my favorite observations are those interactions that still occur in the wild. The first question I am asked at a bar, 9 times out of 10 is, “What do you do?”, I always want to twist this question because it has so many possibilities, but instead I err on the side of sarcasm, I live in Hollywood what the fuck do you think I do? I don’t want to answer that mundane question that’s killing my buzz. Instead I usually lie about my name and what I do, because I have never met a guy at a bar that went past that one night and it’s fun to be Lindsay the kindergarten teacher or Ashley the marine biologist that went to Yale (yes, some jackass believed you could study marine biology at Yale). It’s the poor man’s art of hooking up, and I have found that dudes really want to sleep with school teachers, they’re like the Big Foot of LA and smarmy little douches love to prey on the seemingly innocent. It gives me so much delight to watch these men try to work their way into a woman’s drawers, including my own, and why not fuck with them, it’s the only place women are given any power, for now.

More on Young Adult Fiction's Virginity Problem (A Case Study)

[Content note: discussions of virginity, sexual abuse, and self harm.]

Here's the first of my posts on this subject, if you missed it.

So I took a dive into the virtual bargain bin again. I keep trying to capitalize on my one free Kindle book per month with my Amazon Prime subscription. So I recently downloaded Sometimes Never by Cheryl McIntyre. It was a clueless dive into the bin because all I knew about the book was the Amazon description:

Hope didn't have the best role model when it came to relationships. She’s content with her current no-strings-attached extracurricular activity with the lead singer of her band. She’s never believed in love and commitment. Mason starts his eighth school in five years anticipating nothing more than the usual—boring classes, fighting more than making friends, and girls happily willing to succumb to his easy smile. He’s never put much stock into love at first sight—until he sees her. Regardless of their painful pasts, Hope and Mason discover that sometimes never can become forever. 

I didn't even read any user reviews...I just figured I'd just go for it. While the book broke some of the standard young adult (YA) fiction pitfalls, it was far from perfect in regards to the ever present fixation on female virginity.


This will be spoilery.

The Chocolate Bar Analogy

[Content note: shaming of female sexuality, slut shaming, mention of rape/abuse]

Have I mentioned I have a great job? On Friday, we had an accessory swap to celebrate May birthdays.   (Seriously...that's how awesome we are.)

After the swap we had an informal lunch together and a really interesting discussion came up about slut shaming, virginity pledges, and sex education. I got the chance to share my chocolate bar analogy story and I realized that in all the blogging I've done about this topic, I have never shared that story here.

Gender, Race, and Star Trek

This is a guest post by Sarah, who blogs at Radical Madre. It was reposted with permission. I wanted to feature her thoughts as a compliment to my own recent post on the new Star Trek film. Welcome, Sarah! --A. Lynn

Recently I’ve started watching Star Trek the original series on Netflix. One of the first things I noticed when I was watching it was the fact that there is an impressing representation of men and women (i.e. at least 1 woman to every 3 or 4 men) with the women playing supporting roles on the show. The cast is also pretty racially diverse with characters like Uhura and Sulu playing a predominant role.

On "Slacktivism" and Red Avatars

[Image text: Red HRC equality logo.]

Chances are, if you have progressive friends on Facebook, you're seeing a lot of red today.  As the Chicago Tribune has reported, this movement has picked up a lot of steam:

A red and pink version of the Human Rights Campaign's blue and gold equality symbol has been replacing avatars today across that social network and others.

The push began to gain traction after George Takei posted about it on his widely popular Facebook page, which has nearly 4 million fans.

"For those friends wondering, this special 'red' equality symbol signifies that marriage equality really is all about love," Takei wrote. His post had more than 50,000 likes and 20,000 shares as of Tuesday morning.

As I'm sure you are aware, the spread of the picture is a sign of support for marriage equality which is going before the supreme court today and tomorrow with cases involving California's Prop 8 and DOMA. Nothing all that groundbreaking has happened yet, but the momentum behind the Facebook pictures certainly is interesting.

Spring Breakers and Female Exploitation

[Content note: Possible spoilers]

So, this past weekend I saw Spring Breakers. Familiar with it? If not, check out the trailer here.



And here's how the film is described on IMDB, "Four college girls who land in jail after robbing a restaurant in order to fund their spring break vacation find themselves bailed out by a drug and arms dealer who wants them to do some dirty work."

Let me say from the outset: there is certainly a lot that a feminist blogger could tackle about this film. In particular, the race elements deserve a lot of attention and critique. However, I will leave it to Aisha Harris at Slate to give you a good run down of that.

What I am focused on is how I think that Spring Breakers is a perfect example of how male filmmakers exploit women in their storytelling.

The Stupidest Metaphor of All Time

I've found it! I've uncovered the stupidest metaphor of all time. It had some stiff competition, but it has won! It's the lock/key metaphor to justify the sexual double standard. Exhibit A:

[Picture description, sic on all of this: Facebook status from Miriam Perez reads, "is is odd how society see things. lets say if a guy sleeps with all these girls, "hes a the man!" or a stud. but if a girl does, she's a total slut or whore? is society sexist?" Comment from Mathew James reads "well think about it this way. if a key can open a bunch of locks, its viewed as a master key, and is awesome to have. but if a lock is opened by a lot of different keys, well thats a pretty shitty lock if you ask me."]

The Stigma of Sex Work

[Content note: dehumanization of sex workers, rape culture.]

I don't often write about sex work. I think it's an area of feminism that is best left to people with more knowledge. I remember when I first started thinking critically about feminist issues, I read a piece where a woman was discussing how too often feminists talk about sex work without actually talking to sex workers or listening. I don't want to fall into that space, and I hope I don't.  But I need to write about this, because my blood is boiling.

Women's Bodies as Public Property

[Content note: discussion of body shaming, rape culture, victim blaming, street harassment.]

Goodness, women sure take a lot of shit when they claim their bodies as their own private possession instead of public domain, don't they?

Homophobia as a Punishment?

So this was going around Tumblr today:

[Image description: two older teen boys sitting in chairs holding hands and covering their faces in shame with the other hand. Other teens stand around, staring, laughing, and/or on their phones. Caption reads: "These two guys at my school got into a fight after 1st hour and they were either to get suspended for 9 days or sit in the school courtyard holding hands all day during class. You can see what they decided."]

While Buzzfeed is selling this as the way to "achieve world peace," I'm not so sure that this is a positive thing. One of the people I follow, riotrite, explained how this actually displays homophobia. He said,

Do you think the people standing around them weren’t calling them faggots the whole day? What do you think a young queer person would think walking past that? Because what I would think is “my school thinks being publicly humiliated for holding another boy’s hand is an appropriate and hilarious punishment, and that means they do not give the tiniest of shits about me.”

I couldn't agree more. This isn't just a cute little punishment, it's sending a message of shame and ridicule surrounding two guys holding hands. It's made that act a punishment. I remember a few teachers in high school who would joke about using this punishment on field trips. When boys were acting out, they would threaten to make them hold hands with their buddy. But seeing as that was 10+ years ago, I had really hope that things would change...apparently they haven't.

This might be a good time to plug one of my favorite nonprofits, GLSEN, because they are an organizaiotn working to make things better for queer students. As they say at their site, GLSEN "strives to assure that each member of every school community is valued and respected regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity/expression." And by the way, between now and Saturday, they are up to for voting to possibly win $1M from the Chase Giving Community. Check them out, and if you get a chance, vote for them!

We've Got to Talk About Enthusiastic Consent

Hello, hello! I survived my event. We registered almost 1400 people and I ran my ass off all day Saturday. Yesterday and today I turned to self care. So far this week I've enjoyed a mani/pedi, sleep, a massage, and some of the best food in Austin. All in all, I'm doing pretty great.

My event gave me a blog idea. One of the things it provides is information for teen girls and their parents about how to have healthy conversations about sexuality. This got my wheels turning and I began to think about how we so rarely talk to teens about enthusiastic consent. 

What I'm Reading: Beth Ditto

There's a slim to nil chance that I'll have time to write anything of substance this week. But on Sunday I will have free time again, so hopefully I'll be back to my regular blogging schedule next week.

In the meantime, I wanted to make sure I pointed everyone to the fabulous piece on Beth Ditto in the Advocate. In it, she discusses poverty, her sexuality, health issues, and abuse survivorship.

Ditto says being a feminist and understanding the cycles of abuse that women go through, it wouldn’t “be any good for me to harbor those resentments toward my mother when she in fact was a victim of it herself. She did the best that she could. I think when I put all of that into perspective it becomes really easy for me to just forgive.”

Ditto's doing press because her book is coming out, and if I wasn't already before, I'm now thoroughly convinced to buy it.

Seriously...go check it out, now.

Ditto, from the Advocate piece