"Well Intentioned" Fatphobes Can Kiss My Huge Ass

[Content note: fatphobia, body shaming]

A while back, I published a submitted photo on Tumblr where a fat woman was doing a move on a pole and someone had compared her to a roast chicken on the spit. Included were several very offensive comments. It was all around the perfect type of stuff to feature on a blog that calls out bigots on social media.

But I knew, right as I posted it, that the comments and direction it would eventually go, would make me want to scream. It always does. Even in "progressive" spaces...when fatphobia comes up front and center, someone is bound to derail and/or say something "well intentioned" that is actually incredibly toxic.

I was not wrong.

What I'm Reading: A Sad Edition

[Content note: violence, racism, suicide, ableism]

Things in the news right now are not great. (Of course, they never are...) but it feels all the more sadder to learn that another unarmed young black man, this time Michael Brown, has been murdered by police. The subsequent situation in the city where it happened (Ferguson, MO) is also indicative of extreme racism. I am just trying to read and learn as much as I can about it. I have really appreciated the numerous informative pieces and updates that Colorlines is posting:

• Understanding What's Happening in Ferguson
• Ferguson Police Won’t Release Name of Officer that Killed Michael Brown
• Witness to Michael Brown’s Killing Explains What He Saw
• 10 Social Media Shares About the Horrors in Ferguson 

Kirsten West Savali also wrote a powerful piece about her reaction to this story:  My Sweet Young Sons: Cops Are Neither Here to Protect Nor Serve You. Go read it...and if you haven't already, go read all you can about this situation. Especially my fellow white people...we can't ignore this or turn our backs on these folks.

And if you can, participate in the National Moment of Silence tomorrow night.

In other sad news, everyone is all abuzz about Robin Williams' death, by suicide. I've been surprised that a majority of the reactions I've seen on social media have been dealing with the topic with an uncharacteristic level of compassion. Discussions, for the most part, have centered on raising awareness about depression, the stigma of mental illness, and getting help if you need it.

...and then someone shared this HORRIFIC piece by Matt Walsh, who, to this point, I thought was just a character actor, but I've now learned is an incredible douche. (Don't worry, I used "donotlink" here, so you can click through guilt free.) His basic premise is that Robin Williams made this "choice," this isn't something awful that just happened to him. Walsh writes,

It’s a tragic choice, truly, but it is a choice, and we have to remember that. Your suicide doesn’t happen to you; it doesn’t attack you like cancer or descend upon you like a tornado. It is a decision made by an individual. A bad decision. Always a bad decision. 

To reduce a mental illness like this down to a "bad decision" makes my skin crawl. And here we also have the othering of mental illnesses--they're not like cancer; they don't "just happen to you." I realize that Walsh is talking specifically about the suicide when he is saying this and not the depression, but can you really parse them apart like that?

It's very close to the harmful and ableist narrative that "suicide is selfish." To this, might I recommend a piece by Katie Hurley, where she debunks this perspective and provides some good tips and resources.

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I have some questions

[Content note: detailed discussion or abortion. Includes mentions of rape and medical procedures.]

With the anniversary of Wendy Davis' filibuster last week, some really disheartening and outright upsetting Supreme Court decisions, and some recent personal interactions, the topic of abortion rights and reproductive choices has been on my mind.

It's no secret that I am unapologetically pro-choice. I think I have made that case here thoroughly. But right now my head is swirling with all the questions that I want to ask the people on the right, or those who identify as "pro-life" because these questions are what weigh on my mind when I consider this issue.

This isn't a comprehensive or even well articulated post on the subject of reproductive rights. If you need that, click elsewhere. But it is a list of questions I have for those folks...and stuff I need to get off my chest right now.

When Spaces Aren't for You/This is a Body Positive Blog

[Content note: fatphobia, healthism, body shaming]

I've been sitting on this comment in my queue for almost a week now. When I first saw it I thought about immediately marking it as spam, then I thought about just publishing it and ignoring it, then I thought about writing about it, then I thought about ignoring it again, but it kept sticking in my mind so I decided I would go ahead and write about it.

Anyway, here's the comment I'm talking about in full. I'd like to re-emphasize that if you find fatphobic, healthist, food related, and/or body shaming comments to be very upsetting or triggering, don't click "read more."

Cancer is Not Sexy

This is a guest post by friend of the blog, Maria, who you might remember from long discussions about Magic Mike. She excels at looking skeptical, if not mildly irritated at all times.  She loves history, feminism, and judging people. She can see Sarah Palin from her house.

It’s Breast Cancer Awareness month. With all the sweet shopping options out there, you probably already knew.

More than any other cancer, Breast Cancer comes with a built in feel-good campaign; with “save the ta-tas” bracelets and Thinking Pink and survivor walks, ways of coping that make us feel better in the face of an illness we still can’t control.

But let’s consider whether those ways of coping are doing us more harm in the long run, and distracting us from more effective ways of dealing with cancer. Is the way that we understand and treat cancer when it impacts females the best way we can do so?

Three Dangerous Mythical Creatures

Please forgive the Buzzfeed-ish structure of this post, but I've been thinking about some some various concepts lately, and I realized the connection they all share...they're totally made up, and yet most people believe in them, often to the detriment of other people.

Let's take a deeper look...

Intersectionalism Has a Long Way to Go, Even on the Left

I promise, someday, I will write about something other than my experience standing in opposition to the omnibus anti-abortion legislation here in Texas. Someday, but not today.

Yesterday was another long day at the capitol. I worked from 9-2 and then assisted with whatever Planned Parenthood needed including managing lines and feeding volunteers from 2-midnight. If I may whine for a minute, my back has really taken a hit from being on my feet all day. It's started spasming, which is a new and scary thing.

Anyway, my experiences yesterday (and over the course of this process in general) have reminded me that feminism and progressive movements are still unfortunately far from inclusive. Here's a quick run down of several things I have noticed:



1) The main coalition of prochoice organizations has run off shirts that read, "Stand with Texas women." While this is better than the antis' condescending "Protect women," it is still cissexist and denies the reality that many people who do not identify as women need access to abortion. This exclusive phrasing of the entire campaign I'm sure has felt very disheartening to many who are not represented under the label "women." I think the organizations involved are wary of politicizing words like "choice" but "Texas stands for choice" would have been a better alternative, in my opinion. (Edited to add: It's also been pointed out to me that the "stand" verb is abelist, so I feel we must take that into consideration too.)

This concern is a big problem that I see with mainstream prochoice politics in general. For example, I saw a tweet going around the other day that said something to the effect of "This isn't just a reproductive issue, it's a women's issue." I believe the intent of this was to help people see how reproductive access is inherently tied into gender politics as a whole, but the reductionist language of "women" perpetrates trans* erasure.  As Jane Doe, MD tweeted earlier today,

Trans* inclusiveness to me is inherent to feminism, bc biological determinism & essentialism is the unthinkable alternative...Feminism needs to not just be trans* inclusive, but explicitly advocate for trans* people. Otherwise we let gender based oppression prosper.

2) So. Many. Ableist. Slurs. As someone who is handing out food, I occupy a space of special joy in many tired, frustrated prochoice activists' minds. As such, they come over to grab a bite and vent about what they're seeing and unfortunately, that frequently dissolves into calling antis every possible version of "crazy" they can think of. (One person even ranted to me about how "the other side is truly mental.") I try to mirror back non-stigmatizing language in regards to my own frustration with antis, but there's so little than I can do in these 20 second interactions to address the issue.

Too often words like "crazy" have become short hand for people who we disagree with or don't like. We see antis with signs that say incredibly offensive things, so the visceral reaction is to attack them back. But the result when the words we use have an ableish intent is that the non-neurotypical prochoicers who are all around us feel isolated from the movement.

And while we're talking about ableism, can we just stop for a minute and acknowledge that Wendy Davis wouldn't have even been able to filibuster last week if she was not physically able to stand for those 13 hours. Seriously. It's in the Texas law...a senator MUST stand to conduct a filibuster, regardless of their personal physical circumstances. Furthermore, I read that there were accessibility issues for the buildings and rooms involved, which presented real challenges to citizens participating in this process.

How messed up is that?

3) Tons of people feel the need to share their thoughts on the nature of the food donated, usually with the intent to fat shame and body and/or food police. So as a food passer-outer, I have a front row seat for all the weight/food related comments. Every 5th person makes some comment about how they "shouldn't take another cookie" or are "going to have to run an extra mile after this." Others bemoan that we need more "healthy" options or go with the whole, "well I guess I can be bad today" angle. As a happily fat person, who has learned to embrace who I am despite the chorus of "you're not good enoughs!" it is particularly frustrating to have so many people share their very personal food and health related values out loud over and over and over. The food that is provided by generous people from all over the country is to help sustain us as we engage with the political process. As such, it needs to be cost effective, easily available for delivery, and come in mass quantities.

That means that it's not going to work for everyone...and that's OK. What's not OK is sharing possibly triggering food/body thoughts with everyone else around the table.




As I've said before, I have been infinitely impressed with how diverse the people who have come together over this issue are. I've interacted with people of so many backgrounds, ages, and gender expressions, who hail from all over the state.

But if our movement is still marginalizing people, then we're doing it wrong.

I do not intend to needlessly criticize my fellow prochoicers who have been out there day after day...I admire our spirit and I'm proud to be a part of this. I just want us to be better, because the fact of the matter is that unless this movement addresses all of its own oppressive elements, it is inherently flawed and incomplete.



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Dispatches from the Front Lines of Choice

Have you heard about HB60/SO5 in Texas? It's an omnibus anti-abortion bill which would limit abortion to 20 weeks or before and close 42 of the state's currently safe, licensed clinics, leaving just 5 for a population of 26 million. Many people in rural areas would have to drive even further than they already are, including commutes up to 8 hours. Because there are already waiting periods on the books here, many people in rural areas would now need to be able to arrange travel, accommodations, child care, etc. for 3-4 day trips into the state's major metropolitan areas for abortion services. And that's only if the pregnancy is even discovered in time.

Choice is currently abysmal here, but this would be devastating, especially on poor, rural, people of color. It's the equivalent of having whole other-state-sized regions without clinics.

I've kept an eye out on the local coverage through the Lilith Fund, NARAL, and Planned Parenthood. There have been several protests and hearings already this week. Last night there was a people's filibuster scheduled for HB60, specifically. People began arriving at the capital at 1 pm. I had to work until 6, so I figured I'd just keep up to date on it all via Twitter. When I finally logged on around 8:30 pm, I realized that people were just beginning to make their testimonies. I was really pulled in by what I was reading and I knew I couldn't sit on my couch all night.  I didn't want to testify, but I figured I could be there for support and help out in some way.

Fortunately, Mr. Nerdy Feminist was willing to drop me off and I was able to get in touch with my friend, who works in Planned Parenthood's community outreach department and would be there all night assisting testifiers. She told me that things would be going into the early morning and encouraged me to just come on down and jump in. Thankfully, I have a flexible job and was able to confirm that I could come in at 11 am today, so that I could at least catch a few hours of sleep.

When I got there around 9, I signed in as a non testifying witness in opposition to the bill. I helped my friend with a few tasks like getting email addresses, directing people to food, and answer questions the best I could. But mostly I listened to the people around me and offered my support.

It was an incredibly important, although tense, night. A vast majority of the approximately 700 people there were speaking in opposition to the bill. I was truly moved and humbled by the stories shared and I can't say enough how much I admire the many people who told their deeply personal stories to the committee.

I can't tell you how many times I had a lump in my throat.

Anti-choice committee chair Representative Byron Cook, did not handle things well. He was very short with prochoice speakers and cut things off a few times, calling the stories repetitive. Many people didn't get to speak at all. As has been widely reported, one woman, Lesli Simms (I know her!) pointed out in her testimony “Our words are not repetitive. Our government’s attacks on our choice, on our bodies, is repetitive.”

It's amazing how Representative Cook didn't seem to conclude that the testimony might be repetitive 
because there is not wide spread support for this legislation. Did that get through to him?

All in all the filibuster was successful and things are being punted to the next stages without a vote for now. It's also likely that the horrible way that the hearing was run will raise "points of order" and there would have to be a second hearing. (I will admit that I still don't fully understand Texas political processes, but I'm trying to learn.)

I just hope we can continue to stall until the special session ends Tuesday, without this bill passing.

Last night I tweeted, "I swear I will lose my shit if this passes and I see coastal liberals making 'yuk yuk ass backwards TX' comments. We so showed up tonight. We're fighting and trying. DO NOT erase that fact later because you weren't paying attention." I SO stand by that sentiment this morning. Last night was hands down one of the most moving, important nights of my life. I heard directly from people of all backgrounds, colors, gender expressions, and ages---but who were all Texans, just how important choice is to them. I used to be a northerner who thought Texas was some conservative cesspool of a joke. (And I was in equally conservative Indiana, what was a thinking?!) But I have come to learn, first hand, how passionate the people here are about their rights.

Please: Do not dismiss that with thoughtless jokes, especially if you live in a state where choice is a given, and you've never stood in a crowded chamber for 14 hours waiting to beg a committee to trust you to make decisions about your own body. 

I am so proud to have contributed to this effort in the very small way that I did. I'm so proud of the support that came from across the nation. (Pizzas from California, y'all!) I'm so proud of Representative Ferrar, the only friendly member of the committee, who stood up and apologized for the behavior of her cohorts, thanked us for being there after 4 am, and implored us to stay engaged and not be discouraged by the evening (we weren't!) I'm proud of Representative Howard who is not even on the committee, but stayed present until the very end, as a sign of her support and solidarity.

But mostly I'm proud of all the impassioned, brave Texans who stood up and told their stories. I'm so thankful for you, and just totally in awe.

No matter the outcome, this process was really important.

For more about the evening:

RH Reality Check
Think Progress

Update 1:30: Sad to report, HB60 just passed out of committee.



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Angelia Jolie and the Patriarchal View on Breast Cancer

This is a guest post by Casey Edison. Casey is a blogger/writer living in northern NJ. She's been writing stories since she could spell and has been a feminist since the first time she was told she couldn't be on the New York Giants when she grew up because she's a girl. She runs a Misogyny in Comic Books Tumblr and is currently working on two books: a mystery novel and a book about sexism in geek culture.


On Tuesday, May 14th, Angelina Jolie made an announcement that shocked many fans: She had a preventative Mastectomy, after having found out that she had BRCA+1, a cancerous gene that ensures breast cancer. Her many male fans took to the internet to proclaim their sadness over her loss… Wait, her loss? Yes, as it turns out, her fans weren’t happy she had gotten a surgery to greatly reduce her risk of getting a horrible disease, but rather sad- sad she had her breast tissue removed. In a move that greatly showed the patriarchal sense of entitlement, many men wrote RIPs for her breasts, as if there wasn’t a woman attached to them. Unfortunately, this isn’t the first time this very serious form of cancer has been sexualized.

Planned Parenthood, Reproductive Rights, and Fighting the Same Battles Over Again

This Thursday is Planned Parenthood's lobby day here in Texas. If you are familiar with Texas politics at all, then I don't have to tell you that you know Planned Parenthood is constantly under attack.

No seriously--there are distinct actions that the state Republicans in general and Rick Perry in specific have brought forward to attack Planned Parenthood. And beyond Planned Parenthood, they have also launched an all out assault on women's health programs and family planning. Take the last legislative session (2011)--not only was family planning funding cut by 60%, but they also introduce the sonogram law. And last year, Texas opted out of millions of federal dollars for the Women's Health Program, just because they wanted to exclude Planned Parenthood from the program. It goes far beyond an opposition to abortion and into ridiculous encroachments on who women can use as their healthcare provider.

Planned Parenthood, a tireless advocate for reproductive rights, is no rookie in this fight. So they're holding their 2013 lobby day on Thursday. I decided that I'd finally take advantage of the community service day my employer allows, and signed up to participate.

I went to the training for lobby day yesterday and in addition to being highly motivated by the stats, laws, and financial impacts the trainers shared, I was also motivated by the frustration shared by my fellow volunteers. Especially the older men and women who were so angry that they were having to do this again. It's a common sentiment; people who were active during the second wave fought really hard for these issues to be settled, but here we are, having to actively fight for it all again.

Each time I've rallied in support of reproductive rights here in Texas, I've interacted with older people sharing this sentiment. I can't blame them--how frustrating it must be to be back at something you thought was tackled 40 years ago?

I want them to know that the younger people in the room like me heard them. We're there with them and we don't take for granted what they did.

And I want everyone to know that active participation as a citizen doesn't stop at voting--it's so important to take other actions in support of the policy you believe in. That's why I'm putting my beliefs into action and will be there on Thursday lobbying my representatives. If you are a Texan and you can make it out to the capital on Thursday, please sign up for lobby day. If you can't make it for the whole day, there will also be a rally at 10:45am. And if you are unable to make it at all, write a letter or email or place a call to your representative. Show your support! This stuff matters, y'all.

Related reading:
Everything is Bigger in Texas, Including my Disappointments
WTF, Texas?
Being Viewed as Pre Pregnant
Texas is Reminding Me I'm Just a Baby Vessel Again

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Concern Trolls, Ahoy!

[Content note: discussions of weight]

Ya know, I was just thinking how nice it was to see many women who were not extremely thin at the Grammy's Sunday night (Adele, Kelly Clarkson, Mavis Staples, Brittany Howard, Miranda Lambert.) Oh course, as soon as my brain formed that thought, Fox News came along to crush it. Now, before you fear I was actually watching Fox News, don't worry--I only know this because Feministing reported it. As Samhita wrote:

"It Takes Hard Work to Look This Good"

[Content note: discussions of weight, fatphobia, diet, exercise.]

My love of Lesley Kinzel is well documented. (Seriously.) So when a quote of hers was floating around Tumblr last week, how could I not reblog it? It's just fantastic:

The people who get angriest about fat girls looking good and feeling hot are the people who are the most strongly invested in the idea that a person has to be skinny in order to be happy, healthy, and loved.

Very often it’s people just projecting their own body-loathing onto someone else; if you’re truly comfortable and confident in your own skin, it shouldn’t make a difference to you what anyone else is wearing, or how they look. It only affects you if it’s making you question your assumptions, about both other people and about yourself.

The Biggest Loser Picks on Kids

[Content note: discussion of fat shaming of kids and unhealthy weight loss methods.]

Here's two things:
1) The Biggest Loser is one of most visible and successful sources of fat shame in this country.
2) I can't stand it when society bullies fat kids about their weight.

Up to this point, The Biggest Loser hasn't really done much with kids. They've kept their horribly dangerous methods and body bullying mostly limited to adults. Of course, these fat shaming messages make their way to kids when they watch the show, or when the trainers scream, "Do you want your kids to grow up to be like you!?" at the contestants. But the actual sites of their fatphobia has only been aimed at people at least legally able to consent to their participation.

Not so anymore.

In recent promos, it's come to my attention that the show will be working with kids, although they are not actual competitors. I was pretty outraged about this, so I was relieved when I saw that Ragen Chastain had written a petition against this abhorrent turn of event. (Go sign it!) As the petition states:

"The Biggest Loser" wants to put children on a show under the direction of trainers who insist that contestants ignore the advice of dieticians (sic) and doctors while screaming supportive words of encouragement like “I’M BORED WITH YOUR PATHETIC STORY!” and “GET ON THE F*CKING TREADMILL” in their faces. 

Healthy habits are good for kids of all sizes, and humiliation is bad for kids of all sizes, and if we want to help kids develop a lifelong love of healthy habits, we can do way better than this.

You know, fatphobia in general makes my blood boil. I'm just so incredibly sick of being told that only a certain kind of body is right. But when that message is aimed at kids, it goes to a whole other level of WRONG. And, unfortunately, so much of fat shame is routinely aimed at our youngest citizens.

Kids are a vulnerable population. That is why we have laws that protect against child abuse and require a minimum age of consent. We all know that a young mind is an impressionable one. Many of us carry the psychological scars of what happened to us in childhood for the rest of our years. And when it comes to the pressure to be thin, there is a reason that the average age to develop an eating disorder is 12. Your sense of self is just being formed and outside forces (like the media or what adults say about your body or their own bodies) can have an enormous effect on you.

I wish that we could stop The Biggest Loser all together. Unfortunately, it is an extremely popular show (a testament to how deep fatphobia runs in our society) and NBC, motivated by money over social conscious, will chase viewers and ad sales at all costs. But the very least we can do is keep children away from their dangerous methods.

I assume I am preaching to the choir on this one, but please, please, please do not support this show, and if you know people who do, please encourage them to think critically about what is really happening. I understand how alluring the show can be. I watched it as recently as 2007. But we've got to understand what is really going on. Millions of dollars are pumped into the program to make it convey a sense of "inspiration" and "accomplishment" while carefully editing out their disturbing side. They have the illusion and formula down to a science. That's why it's our job to tell people who watch the show that the constants aren't being healthy. They often dehydrate themselves to "lose weight." They are on a seriously restrictive diet and exercise six hours a day. Ask them to think critically about that. Ask them to really think for a minute about what it must be like to be screamed at by the trainers. And tell them to think about the messages we are sending our kids.

Texas is Reminding Me I'm Just a Baby Vessel Again

So I saw a commercial three times this afternoon for Texas' latest health initiative. It's called "Someday Starts Now" and it's all about how I should be taking care of myself because I plan on being pregnant someday.

Not that I should take care of myself for me. Nope. It's about the future baby.

I wish I could find the commercial online, because it is deeply annoying to me, but all I have is the website. Here's the text from the women's page:

Healthy choices now mean a healthy life later.
Maybe you’re planning for a baby someday. Or maybe you don’t see children in your future. Either way, as a woman, it’s important to focus on your health now. The information and advice here can help you be as healthy and well prepared as possible — for whatever is down the road.

Did you catch that? The site is pretending to be about health for women generally, but it really boils down to the fact that you might someday be a fetus cooker, so get that baby vessel in shape, you silly womern!

At first glace I thought, hey, maybe the site isn't so bad because it at least offers a page for men too. Except when I clicked through, I realized the page for men is actually for real expecting fathers...check it:

Be a great dad before your baby is even born.
Your partner is pregnant. But this isn’t just happening to her. The truth is that everything you do over the next 40 weeks matters a lot to your baby. Stay informed and stay involved throughout her pregnancy, and you’ll be giving your child a great chance at a strong and healthy start in life.

Oh hey, heterosexism! And not only that, but the idea of the overall purpose of the site is that ALL women are pre-pregnant, but men use this resource when there is an actual pregnancy involved. It's annoying and insulting and takes a reductionist view of women.

Ok, this isn't the worst thing Texas has done to women, I get that. But, you know...I might not be so sensitive and annoyed by this initiative if this wasn't such a deeply anti-choice state all around.

I might think that this was a helpful resource for people who want babies, if it felt like the state was supporting us in our ability to actually CHOOSE when to reproduce. But instead, I live in a state where things like the women's health program are in constant jeopardy, family planning services are almost always under attack, every conceivable obstacle to abortion has been put in place, and daily life reminds me that I'm just a baby vessel.

To put it simply: It's all annoying the shit out of me. So forgive me if I don't get warm fuzzies at this new program.

Valuing Thinness Over Health

Content note: weight talk

Aye.

So I've been sick. I'm doing better today, but Sunday night through Monday afternoon was hell on earth for me. I'm pretty sure it was food poisoning.

Like I said, I'm feeling a lot better now, but after surviving my body purging every single thing in it for 24 hours, I got to thinking about how in moments like this, the temptation is to crack a joke about how I should be happy that I lost weight*. Even after all the work I have done to be more body positive and self accepting, that thought slips in my head. But then I check myself, because, let me assure you, there is absolutely NO silver lining to the experience of those 24 hours.

So often when a fat person looses weight--even under very unhealthy circumstances--s/he is applauded. Like this submission at the This is Thin Privilege blog: "Thin privilege is chronic vomiting and sudden weight loss (30 lbs) being treated like a good thing by your primary care physician." Experiences of this nature are all too common. Often when people develop eating disorders, the verbal affirmations they receive at their initial weight loss act as reinforcements of their unhealthy behaviors.

Jasmine Peterson at Gender Focus shares a similar story:

In recent months, I have been under a tremendous amount of stress, so much so that I had been unable to eat or sleep, and I turned to some pretty maladaptive coping mechanisms. During this period, I lost a great deal of weight. It wasn’t intentional, and it wasn’t desired. It was merely a side effect of the intense stress I was under. It is a signifier of my distress; it is not a signifier of beauty or health. 

What I began to notice, however, was that people were making a lot of comments about my weight loss, and my appearance. Their valuations of my body were positive; they were reinforcing my unhealthy weight loss through their positive comments about my body: “You’re so skinny” or “You look so good”. And even when I explained how this weight loss came about, people would make comments like “Well depression looks good on you” or “I wish I had what you had”.

Did you see that? "I wish I had what you had" even when what thing is extremely unhealthy and dangerous. All in the name of thinness.

It's just a reminder that being skinny is the most important thing. Fat people are body and food policed under the guise that others are "just concerned about our health" but that whole facade falls away when a fat person gets sick and loses a few pounds. Suddenly the talk turns to how wonderful it is that we slimmed down through the illness. What happened to health?

It's a disturbing trend and a reminder that using weight as a short hand for health can be not only inaccurate but also be very dangerous. 

*This is an assumption on my part. I've long scorned scales.

It's a Big Day in Mississippi

Edited to add: the decision has come down and the law continues to be blocked! YAAAAAY! Keep reading to see why I think that the judge has made the right decision.

An anti-abortion law is going before judges in Mississippi today. I'm really crossing my fingers on this one and hoping that anti-choice extremists are again put at bay by the more reasonable individuals in MS.

The law in question would require all abortion providers to be board certified OB-GYNs who have admitting privileges to a local hospital. If you don't know much about medical systems, this sounds pretty reasonable. If you dig a bit deeper you learn that this act would strategically result in the closure of MS's only abortion clinic, Jackson Women's Health Organization.

Stop Trying to "Fix" Me!

UGH.

JUST UGH.

I came across this news story today. In case fat people aren't facing enough stigma and shame, a federal health advisory is now advising that fat people receive intensive counseling. From the story I saw at The Frisky:

When Your Body Doesn't Love You Back

Sigh.

I know I'm not the first person to feel really betrayed by my body, but damn if it isn't frustrating!

So here's the thing--I haven't felt 100% for a really, really long time. I have felt generally crappy and lethargic, but nothing so much that I felt I should seek medical advice. That is, until a case of vertigo set in. Or at least, I think it's vertigo. Basically, for well over a week now, no matter what I am doing, or how my body is positioned, I feel like I'm moving. Sometimes I feel like I'm slowly moving toward the ground, sometimes I feel like my head and body are just slightly stirring when they're not.

It's affecting my life, pretty much all around, but not to a degree that I'm bed ridden or anything. On the inside, I feel like I am clumsily stumbling around, when in reality, I'm totally in control of my body. So as I'm walking my head will spin and I get nauseous very easily. I feel like I'm in a perpetual foggy headed state (even though I'm not really!) which makes me short tempered and irritable. It's extremely hard for me to concentrate on almost anything. In fact, because it affects how I view the world, most moments, it's all I can think about. Staring at a screen my eyes feel like they're moving, so of course I've been reading and writing less. In my day job, tasks that usually wouldn't feel too monumental get me overwhelmed because the fake-foggy-headedness undermines my confidence. Workouts are a big struggle because it gets much worse when I'm moving all around. I can sleep comfortably, but that's the only normal thing in my routine.

The best words that I can use to describe it is that I feel like I've had 2 beers on an empty stomach. You know that feeling? When you're not really drunk per se, but you're tipsy and trying to act normal? I've felt like that for almost every moment of the past 8 days.

Luckily, I'm going to the doctor tomorrow and I will hopefully have some kind of idea about what they heck is going on with me. Because all I know is that this can't continue. I came into a pretty tough day today at work and pushing through it with this going on was almost the undoing of me.

But it's got me thinking, in great detail, about what it means to feel betrayed by your body. I've always been fairly healthy. I mean, the worst things I've encountered have been a severe ankle sprain a few years ago and walking pneumonia when I was 13. Other than that, I've been privileged enough to take my health for granted.

It's no secret that I spend a lot of time strategically trying to love my body. And it's a hard task which takes attention, because the world is constantly telling me (and all women) that I'm not good enough. But I've never fully considered how much harder it can be when you're also frustrated at your body because of what it can't do or because of how it is currently behaving.

I know that my situation is most likely temporary and vertigo isn't the worst thing that a person can face on a daily basis--but damn if it doesn't remind me to be thankful for what I have.

So body, you're not my best friend right now, but I'm going to keep on loving you. Even though I'm drowning in anger at my damn inner ears.

What Has Fatphobia Done For Us Lately?

Have you heard about HBO's new documentary series "The Weight of the Nation?" I feel like I'm hearing about it every where this week. The marketing fairies are out in full force for this one.

Unfortunately, I don't have HBO so I didn't get to catch it (the four part series ran last night and today.) So far, however, I am deeply concerned about the marketing for the film, which displays it at yet another voice telling fat people we are the enemy.

The Sexification of Breast Cancer

While I was on my trip, the amazing Jessica Luther brought this to my attention. As she said:

THIS is ultimate result of breast cancer awareness campaigns that focus on breasts instead of people. This is exactly how campaigns that are motivated by goodness (supposedly) can be co-opted for misogynistic garbage like this. Why create the umbrella under which this bus can exist comfortably? It’s why I say repeatedly and LOUDLY: FUCK “SAVE THE TATAS” and all campaigns like them. That link (post and comments) will explain in detail why I hate this shit so much.

I'm not sure that I can add anything more to this discussion, because it has already been said, really well. I guess I can just add to the chorus of hatred for this campaign and all the "save the tatas" "I <3 boobies" BS that's out there. Time after time, the sexiness of breasts is pushed forward as what's really important instead of the saving of lives. As I tweeted to Luther when she first brought all of this up, "I'm OVER the sexification of breast cancer. When my mom had a chunk of her tit cut out her focus was LIVING not staying sexy."

I remember when my mom was first diagnosed with breast cancer and her course of treatment was not yet discovered. She, from the start, said over and over again "Just take them both if it means I'll live."  Now I know that mastectomies and other breast cancer treatments change a person's body and can certainly affect their personal sense of sexuality. I do not mean to diminish the pain this causes this in any way--but I think we can all agree that the really important thing to save is the person's life.

Furthermore, breast cancer so often receives way too much attention. It is pushed forward as the biggest health issue facing women, when in reality other diseases kill more women. But those diseases are not sexy! They don't include boobies! SO WHO CARES, AMIRIGHT?

I guess what I'm getting at is that I'm just so sick and tired of shallow, objectifying, dehumanizing, and meaningless "awareness" raising campaigns. It's old guys. Really, really old.